Posted by Chicklet on October 3, 2003, at 6:21:13
In reply to i'm desperate and afraid ,,,, posted by jinglebts on October 3, 2003, at 2:21:38
Hey JB, I'm Karen.
I'm sure you'll get some great responses from posters because there are many here who either have ADD or have children/mates/friends etc. that do.Is it possible that part of his anger is related to losing his job? I wonder if he's afraid too...
>>gets angry when i ask what he's doing and shuts me out for days or weeks
I don't know him or enough about the situation but I do know that (sweeping generalization to follow) it can be *especially* hard for the sole breadwinner (was I correct in the assumption that you aren't working?), ***especially when it's a man***, to lose a job. There are so many added pressures. It's so much more than a money situation. It's ego, pride, shame perhaps. I wonder if he feels bad that he's 'letting you down'. Man it must be so hard for you to feel as if you can't discuss this with him...sounds like you guys really got pounded by this.
>>but the main thing is, i don't know what he's doing on the job search
Maybe his counsellor is helping him in that arena- or you two could go address it with your counsellor...I think the area of spending and finances is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage if your styles vary.
>>"gee, it must have been awful to live like that ..."
>
I get annoyed when my hub doesn't react 'the way I'd like him to' as well. Sounds as if maybe your hub doesn't know what else to say...I don't know.
But having the knowledge that you are terrified of living poor again may be adding the pressure for him. ???? I don't know. I'm not that good at this.How awesome that you guys are in therapy! Sounds like a few things need to be addressed right away in marriage counselling...
organizational skills for him to employ as he continues his job search (the stress of losing a job PLUS having ADD must be so tough) AND
ways that you can support and help him in a way that will be less threatening or frustrating to him and more helpful and effective for you,Some tips on financial planning that may help you both work through this together, in a way that that he will find do-able (in the organization arena) and you will find reasonable. This alone could really help you guys get back on the right track.
Just see if you can remember that while it's super stressful for BOTH of you, he may also have that whole "I lost my job and i'm letting her down" mindset.
Ok, hope you got a little out of this. You guys will get through this. It's stress (times 5) for you both and I bet it feels really tense between you.
One thing at a time: helping you get back on track finacially, learning new ways of managing your money, coping with a loss of a job....
You get the picture. You know all of these things already...it's just that the situation is so stressful on so many levels, you can't help but feel overwhelmed...Take it easy jb, thinking of you in these tough times.
Karen
poster:Chicklet
thread:265136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/265148.html