Posted by Temmie on August 30, 2003, at 22:24:34
In reply to Re: I am Feeling Creepy Tonight » Temmie, posted by fallsfall on August 30, 2003, at 22:06:52
Oh Fallsfall, hello. I'm so glad to have you onboard tonight. Thanks again to Gabbix2 for keeping me company. I'm not quite a mess ... but things have certainly accelerated some in an unhealthy direction.
Regarding your questions:
During Paul's first trial, he was offered a plea-bargain, which he refused (as pleading "no contest," or whatever was offered to him was tantamount to admitting to guilt -- which he wouldn't own up to). It did sound as though Jane attacked him first, but who knows? In any case, apparently he was argumentative with the judge, showed up not looking so great (one white sock, one black), and when it was left up to the judge to decide, the judge decided guilty.
So he has a conviction for a misdemeanor A&B.
Had he gone with the plea-bargain, he would have had probation for a year -- and perhaps some kind of community service or something. As it is, he has probation anyhow (and why don't they bust him for God's sake, or get him some help from the VA?), but he's also got that career-ending conviction.
I don't know how long it's been since Paul was self-sufficient. Maybe a year or two? My love for him was so intense during those first-blush days, I could almost imagine loving and supporting him .... I remember saying, "Gee, I supported J all those years, I could support you, too .... You could go back to school. You could do graduate work in (bla bla bla)," but that was in a moment of -- yes -- temporary insanity ... and, no, I don't want a long-term relationship with a sick person. Lovely though he can be.
I called Andrea tonight .... She works in a psych center ... and, God bless her, she's got a great laugh. We laugh about my dates. We commiserate over Paul. I think he's been -- well -- unwell for a number of years. Moody. Really moody. He was like that with me, and -- good Heavens -- I'm so easy to get along with, it isn't funny.
I talked with her about how he'd "had it made" here, and how he'd "had it made" when she offered him the back bedroom earlier this summer. All he had to do was ... just keep his head on straight (which at this point, for me, would have consisted of contacting my attorney, straightening out my employment situation, etc. etc. etc.)
For Paul? It was going around the corner to the ghetto and bringing crack back into the house. He just couldn't keep it together.
I was thinking today, when he sounded so down, maybe he was about "at bottom."
I'm not sure. I'm not sure what to do at this point, other than pray, I guess -- and try to keep my head above water -- and get back to meetings -- pull out Jimi's chant (thank-you, dear) -- to watch my intake of Xanax -- to not drink -- to take care of J's guinea pigs (poor little neglected dears) -- and to hang on and post here.
Thank you for checking in. Thank you all for being there tonight.
T.
poster:Temmie
thread:255775
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/255794.html