Posted by Sebastian on August 7, 2003, at 12:06:29
In reply to Re: Help! I need somebody...Kara Lynne, posted by ROO on August 7, 2003, at 9:11:27
> I used to have an ex who used to leave long
> abusive messages on my phone machine....his voice
> was like venom. Yet I was addicted to listening to
> them for some sick reason. Even though after I listened
> to them I felt bruised and battered inside. Finally, after
> too long a period, if it was his voice on a message, I would
> delete it before I listened to it. I felt so much better.
> Luckily, I had a roomate at the time (who was also my friend)
> and she would delete them for me sometimes too.
>
> I guess if there was one good thing about listening to the messages
> it was that I was able to see just how abusive he was and it hurt me,
> but it also, on some level, discusted me. One day it really hit me just
> how pathetic it was that he felt the need to shower so much hatred on me.
> It showed me just how small he felt inside. It sure didn't make me want
> to be with him again, which was good.
>
> But every time I deleted the message without listening to it, I got a little
> stronger. Sometimes the messages would come on the worst possible days. I'd had
> a shitty day at work...I was tired and sad...I was doubting my lovability and my
> ability to be in healthy relationships...and sure enough, I'd get home and there would
> be a message from him in his venom laced voice and whatever he had to say would beam right
> in like a laser on the very thing I was feeling insecure about. It was uncanny. One time
> I was feeling particulary tired and sad and I was thinking 'how am I ever going to meet anyone...
> I'm such a loser...I'm so awkward around men...blah blah blah'...the demons were off and running.
> I come home and there's a message from him saying in this sickly sweet sarcastic mr. rogers voice
> "Hey Ruth...you know how you feel so awkward around men....I think I know the reason why..." He
> was about to go on and say who knows what...and I deleted it.
>
> Anyway...not sure what my point is. I guess that it helps a lot if you can somehow not listen to
> the message, because it's pretty much like taking a punch in the gut. But the one good thing about
> listening to the messages, at least for a little while, is you can see what a jerk they truly are and it
> can reinforce you not wanting to be with them.
>
>
> About noise...man can I relate to that. My neighborhood is _very_ noisy and it
> drives me crazy. It just frays my nerves. I think some of us are more sensitive
> to noises. It makes me anxious. I'm thinking of getting a white noise machine. I've
> heard they're cheap. Maybe I'll get 5 of them.
>
> Hang in there--RooOr maybe you should just go out and forget all about him! Hang out some where.
Sebastian
poster:Sebastian
thread:248728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030727/msgs/248969.html