Posted by ROO on August 7, 2003, at 9:11:27
In reply to Re: Help! I need somebody... » kara lynne, posted by Tabitha on August 7, 2003, at 1:58:40
I used to have an ex who used to leave long
abusive messages on my phone machine....his voice
was like venom. Yet I was addicted to listening to
them for some sick reason. Even though after I listened
to them I felt bruised and battered inside. Finally, after
too long a period, if it was his voice on a message, I would
delete it before I listened to it. I felt so much better.
Luckily, I had a roomate at the time (who was also my friend)
and she would delete them for me sometimes too.I guess if there was one good thing about listening to the messages
it was that I was able to see just how abusive he was and it hurt me,
but it also, on some level, discusted me. One day it really hit me just
how pathetic it was that he felt the need to shower so much hatred on me.
It showed me just how small he felt inside. It sure didn't make me want
to be with him again, which was good.But every time I deleted the message without listening to it, I got a little
stronger. Sometimes the messages would come on the worst possible days. I'd had
a shitty day at work...I was tired and sad...I was doubting my lovability and my
ability to be in healthy relationships...and sure enough, I'd get home and there would
be a message from him in his venom laced voice and whatever he had to say would beam right
in like a laser on the very thing I was feeling insecure about. It was uncanny. One time
I was feeling particulary tired and sad and I was thinking 'how am I ever going to meet anyone...
I'm such a loser...I'm so awkward around men...blah blah blah'...the demons were off and running.
I come home and there's a message from him saying in this sickly sweet sarcastic mr. rogers voice
"Hey Ruth...you know how you feel so awkward around men....I think I know the reason why..." He
was about to go on and say who knows what...and I deleted it.Anyway...not sure what my point is. I guess that it helps a lot if you can somehow not listen to
the message, because it's pretty much like taking a punch in the gut. But the one good thing about
listening to the messages, at least for a little while, is you can see what a jerk they truly are and it
can reinforce you not wanting to be with them.
About noise...man can I relate to that. My neighborhood is _very_ noisy and it
drives me crazy. It just frays my nerves. I think some of us are more sensitive
to noises. It makes me anxious. I'm thinking of getting a white noise machine. I've
heard they're cheap. Maybe I'll get 5 of them.Hang in there--Roo
poster:ROO
thread:248728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030727/msgs/248895.html