Posted by whiterabbit on April 3, 2003, at 12:49:43
In reply to Dear Gracie » whiterabbit, posted by beardedlady on April 3, 2003, at 7:37:45
Thank you all for your kind words and support, I appreciate you guys so much. I have often used this site as an outlet for my grief, confusion and pain - I say things that I would not say to my friends and family - because I'm ashamed of my actions, or because I don't want them to worry about me, or because I'm afraid they won't understand or even worse, they'll think I'm crazy.
I'm very sensitive about that word, 'crazy'.In turn, I recieve advice and thoughts and kindness and prayers. When I'm feeling strong myself, somtimes I come here to offer the same
support that was given to me when I so desperately needed it, and I value this loving cycle.I did change my name here in probably a useless attempt to maintain some privacy from my husband.
Occasionally he'll read my posts so he can give me a hard time about the things I write. I can't help thinking, "Well hell, now he wants to take this away from me, too. Even this." I don't know why he has to be so ignorant. (This is a Missourism that means 'stubborn' or 'troublesome', but you have to pronounce it correctly: Ignert.)It's very hard not to be resentful. I don't want to be hateful and bitter, I know that the hater suffers more than the hated. I don't want to wish him harm or ill will - what I want is to not think or feel anything for him, to just get past this awful time and start again. I survived all that other mess, and I guess I'll get through this too.
Everybody, thank you again, you all mean so much to me and damnit, we deserve better than this!
-Gracie
poster:whiterabbit
thread:215638
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030401/msgs/215809.html