Posted by sienna on March 15, 2003, at 21:19:34
In reply to Thinking of you » sienna, posted by Kar on March 12, 2003, at 22:37:31
Hi Kar,
I know i am sick. I cant get well. I ve tried so much. I am horrible and doctors are frustrated with me. I am cant even remember how mcuh medicine to tkae. like he will raise the dose then a few days later i forget and take the old amount and then when i go see him im like upset and saying im not better and i am taking mor ethen he asks how much am i taking and somehow its the same as before it got increased. Im sinking.
I know there are good things about me and my friends love me, but the good doesnt outweigh the bad. I feel like i am worthless and bad and a burden because i am more bad than good. I dont believe that my being here for a long time will resullt in anything good. I will just waste food and water and shelter because I wont be able to do anything that is good. i guess im not makeing sense. i just feel this way. The end is soon. There is peace because it isnt now, its almost surreal or something it feels so far away like it will never be, but i know the reality is that it is so close almost here and its as real as anythign you can touch.
you are right is very hard not to work. I hope that there is something that i can do soon that will be ok. I hope that somehow this will work out. but i dont feel very hopeful.
sienna
poster:sienna
thread:208139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030308/msgs/209517.html