Posted by Mashogr8 on October 4, 2002, at 15:26:52
In reply to Re: secrets---Dinah and Judy » shar, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2002, at 8:37:37
Dinah, It is conversations like yours and others on this site that have encouraged me to be so much more open (honest) with my therapist. His reaction has never equaled what my perception of his reaction would be. It's really been helpful since in a way it dispels the myth I had concocted in my mind. When I told him my "terrible" things, I thought the walls would fall in and the entire world and the next universe would know. I don't have a clue how or what he really felt as a person but as a therapist, his reaction was so peaceful, calming and practical that I couldn't inagine why I was not willing to part with secret and embarassing thoughts which I could talk about with no one except him.
For me, it was very hard to admit those things as I am a professional who is respected by colleagues and friends, people who like me; but, they don't know the "real me" and would never feel the same way about me if they knew about the way I do feel. He (my therapist) does know, at least part of me, but I am accepted and sometimes I think that what I say he expected. Yet he explains that there is a reason for my thoughts and feelings. When that happens in therapy and I begin to believe it, I begin to feel a little saner (Hope this makes sense. It makes sense in my mind. the words just might not come out the right way). It is so hard to keep talking about the fact that I am always backsliding a whole lot more than I am moving forward. Listening to posts here gave me the courage to bring hidden things up in therapy. For the first time in a horrendous and deeply depressing 18 months, I haven't thought about being dead (i'm going on four weeks now). I would never be at that point without PB's words and encouragement to me or to the others who post here.
Please rethink the issue. It was incredibly scary for me but the payoff has been great so far.
Have courage. You are a wonderfully strong advocate here. Time for you to be one for yourself.
Peace.
MA
poster:Mashogr8
thread:30603
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020924/msgs/30809.html