Posted by Dinah on March 24, 2002, at 10:12:58
In reply to In love with my therapist, posted by allisonf on March 24, 2002, at 6:45:40
Have you asked your therapist this question specifically? "Do you think it is helpful to my therapy to continue discussing the transference, or do you think that will only make it stronger? How will resolving my relationship issues with you carry over to my real life?"
I imagine the answer is different for different people. Analyzing something to death is one of the many ways I strip an experience of any emotional content and meaning. But other people might find that constant analysis fuels obsessive thoughts.
Have you read "In Session" by Deborah Lott? It is an excellent book about these issues. If I remember correctly it talks about how humans have a tendency to sexualize strong feelings.
When I started having intense fears of abandonment by my therapist, I analyzed the topic to death. I finally pinned it down. I didn't want anything more from my therapist than once or twice a week meetings. I didn't want to be part of his real life or vice versa. I wanted him to be my therapist/mother not my real mother. My transference issues with him were maternal. My feelings toward him are the selfish feelings of a young child for a mother. He is an external source of safety for me, where a sense of safety should be internal. Of course, I worked out most of this on my own. He was willing to talk to me about these things, but certainly didn't seem eager. And I felt better about the whole thing once there was less ambiguity about my feelings.
We discuss my feelings of dependence when they come up. We talk about my basic feelings of insecurity and how they affect my view of him. We discuss the need to develop internal resources. We talk about my inability to see something as safe unless it is permanent. But all of those things are discussed in terms of my real life, with my relationship with him thrown in as an example. When something happens that puts me in terror of abandonment by him, we do discuss that in realistic terms.
So I guess what I'm asking is, can you discuss these things in the context of your real life? Can she point out distortions in your way of relating to her in a way that points out problems in your relationships with others? Can you discuss transferance issues in a way that has a more direct affect on the rest of your life?
Sorry for the rambling. The above is just my own experience and what works for me may not work for you. In fact, I guess it only partially works for me since I'm still frighteningly dependent on him.
poster:Dinah
thread:20769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020320/msgs/20772.html