Posted by wendy b. on November 15, 2001, at 10:02:29
In reply to Re:followup » Marie1, posted by shelliR on November 14, 2001, at 21:41:44
Hi everyone, Marie, Shelli, Mair,
I remember the discussion with the woman whose shrink was playing head games, her name was Jenny R. I wonder if she is still here or lurking, and how she's doing now. This discussion has been really honest and engaging and supportive... I've been reading with interest and concern...
Marie, yes 18 months is a long time, but it will get better. I still feel that it's like suddenly being cut off from a lover or other such 'intimate,' one day he's there, the next - he's not. *Of course* this has got to be one of the most traumatic things a person could go through. You were intimate and shared your inner life with someone for a long time, and now you can't and you miss it. I can understand that very well from experience.
And I imagine it's hard to grieve for a person when you know they're still alive and functioning, and you might run into them at the grocery (granted, a grocery you've driven out of the way for, in order to accidentally-on-purpose run into him). I truely believe, from 8 years in therapy with two women, that the transference stuff *is* all to do with childhood projections, as Shelli's dr says: "transference in general only gets worked out after one has truely mourned and grieved for what they didn't get as children." I think this is right, I've experienced this with my mother, through years of getting the transference worked out with a maternal-figure therapist, so that my mom and I can now have a decent relationship.
Have you figured any of that stuff out? It could give you insights as to why you miss your therapist so much. If that's getting personal, sorry. I just feel so much for you and understand your predicament entirely... You are in my thoughts.
Sorry to interject my thoughts on an otherwise perfectly fine thread...
Wendy
> Hi Marie,
>
> > In answer to your second reply, the woman who's therapist was playing head games with her was someone posting under the name of Jennie (I think). I always used to read what she wrote because it was invariably about her shrink, and it sounded as though she was having a lot of the same feelings I was/am. I can see why you confused the two of us. Her therapist seemed to be somewhat disingenuious, though, and I wouldn't say the same thing about mine.
>
> Oh my. Really sorry about that. I did get the two of your therapy situations mixed up. Well, I'm glad that the other therapist is not yours!
>
> He's always been honest with me. We never really discussed my transference; I was too embarrassed to bring it up. (Also typical, according to "In Session".)
>
> I'll have to read "In Session" and find out if the author thinks that transference is *always* worked out, and to see if she (?) directly addresses the "how" question.
>
> So I understand the transference thing going on here, but didn't know it could get so intense.
>
> My transference reactions also happen very quickly, although they are getting less intense in general.(after about 20 years in therapy :-) ) The doctor who heads the unit I go in in the hospital says that transference in general only gets worked out after one has truely mourned and grieved for what they didn't get as children.
> That is her take; I don't really know.
>
> > But 18 months *is* a long time, especially considering the intimacy - verbal, emotional - that was involved.
>
> Absolutely.
>
> > Terminating therapy is ok by me. I'm far better off than I was when I started, and feel richer (although not monetarily!) for the experience. But it's time to move on. And anyway,who needs a therapist when I have people like you and Mair to rant to?? ;-)
>
> Well hopefully, the intensity will start at some point to fade into the background. Be patient with yourself. And I think Mair made a really good point about " no point in going back to this guy unless you have some commitment to stick
> with him for awhile more."
>
> Feel free to yell across the river at any time.
>
> Take care, and again my apologies,
>
> Shelli
poster:wendy b.
thread:13033
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13961.html