Posted by Marie1 on November 12, 2001, at 20:59:28
In reply to Re:followup » shelliR, posted by shelliR on November 12, 2001, at 8:50:51
Shelli,
Thank you so much for asking; I need to tell someone how I feel and can't tell my husband (for obvious reasons). I could confide in a few friends, but I hesitate to do that, because I feel like they're attitude is "get over it (him)!" Another good friend thinks I have gotten somewhat obsessed with *mental illness*, and shouldn't focus on it so much, so I can't talk to her about *him*.
The fact is, I miss him so much sometimes it physically hurts. I think about him hundreds of times a day. I go miles out of my way to shop at the grocery store he goes to on the off chance I might run into him. I've never had a relationship with anyone like that before. (He is my first (and hopefully last) shrink, and I guess I'm a classic case of transference. I was so vulnerable and (in his words) *desperate* to get better when I first saw him, and he treated me with such concern and kindness, and then I did get better, it's no wonder I fell in love with him. And I always thought that he felt a special bond with me. I still think that. Do I sound pathetic? Can you relate? It's no secret here that my relationship with my husband isn't great, is that why I feel the way I do?
Not seeing him is like quitting heroin or worse - cigarettes - cold turkey. He's always in my thoughts. I can only hope that as time goes by and I have no contact with him, it will get better. But right now, I miss him terribly and have found myself thinking about going back to see him. But I can't. One reason is why I quit in the first place, the second is financial. I can use that $500.00+/mnth I paid out of pocket to see him. Plus, I'm still sort of pissed off at him for his take on things and even refusing at first to prescribe my medication. I'll admit, I'm trying to hold onto that feeling of anger. It helps justify to myself not going back.
If you can relate to *any* of this, please say so. Sometimes I feel so incredibly high school feeling the way I do. The best thing I got out of "In Session" is that apparently this is normal. But knowing that doesn't seem to help.Marie
> Hi Marie,
>
> You had talked about how your feelings for your therapist sort of took over your whole week until the next session. I was wondering if your inner life seems different without your therapist, or if you continue to think about him as much.
>
> I always wonder how my transference reactions are
> going to ever resolve, so that's why I am curious about what happened to your feelings (I remember we
> have a whole thread on whether they were transference or not). Anyway, how is that now?
> If this feels like too personal a question, don't feel any obligation to answer, it's fine.
>
> Hope you're doing well,
>
> Shelli
poster:Marie1
thread:13033
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011105/msgs/13826.html