Posted by susan C on August 30, 2001, at 19:45:24
In reply to Re: children and relationships; anger and frustration; » susan C, posted by Cindylou on August 30, 2001, at 18:08:22
Dear Cindy, I hope this isnt too confusing, I couldnt figure out any other way to answer your questions:
>
> I can certainly understand your ambivalence on this issue -- I seem to change my mind every minute. However, from what I gathered, it sounds as if you would not have chosen to have a second (or even a first) knowing what you know now about your illness.I just cant answer that, I had my children, they are wonderful, my life went a different direction, irrevocably changed. Many people and places I had been involved in no longer involved me and I did different things. I would not trade my children for the world. I think having children can do that to one's thinking.
>
> One question ... are your children close to each other?They are respectful of each other. I didn't do a very good job in the sibling rivalry department. They are four and a half years apart. Funny, the youngest can/did really push the older ones buttons.
>Are you glad you decided on having a second so that they have each other as siblings?
I think when they are older, they will appreciate it, but then, I have/had 4 siblings and I don't really spend any time with them and we all live a long ways away from each other. The old saying, you cant pick your family but you can pick your friends is certainly true.
>That's a big concern for me; I really want Holly to grow up with a brother or sister. Am I placing too much emphasis on that desire?
Possibly, It was important to me too. We, as a couple, made a decision.
> As for me... what do I want? That's a tough one. I guess, if I KNEW that my daughter would be happy as an only child, I would choose to not have another. On the flip side, I remember a mother of an only child telling me she wished she had been able to have another because with one child, the highs are higher and the lows are lower. Ambivalence again. Ugh.My great aunt always told me she regreted not having children. I don't think it matters what kind or how many, really. You can't predict the future. You can only go with your best estimation. My oldest brother, and my oldest son, both said, the parents should have stopped with one. Both are very sarcastic. At the same time I think there is a truth to it, just think, both your parents only paying attention to YOU! lol.
>
> You raised a good point, one I think about often -- will I pass on this mental illness to my daughter? Another reason to consider adoption,Adoption can also harbor unknowns
or not having a second of our own. My husband and I have mood disorders on both sides of our family -- depression, anxiety, OCD and ADD -- to name a few. It scares me to think of my daughter's odds in acquiring some or all of this mix.
>
> I am hoping that, if I decide to have another, I will have built up a support group by that time. I have made some new friends with young kids who I get together with quite often; but I'm not extremely close to any of them -- as far as telling them about my depression/anxiety disorder. Maybe the day will come when I'll be able to open up -- it would so helpful to have friends who knew about my mental illness and still accepted me.You may be surprised to find out some of your new friends also struggle with similar challenges.
>
> Thanks again Susan for your support.
> Fondly,
> CindyYou are welcome, Cindy.
Susan C.
>
poster:susan C
thread:10457
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010825/msgs/10531.html