Posted by mila on August 12, 2001, at 23:50:08
In reply to Re: More on aloneness » mila, posted by AKC on August 12, 2001, at 20:20:46
Hi again,
>
> I do understand that the depression has added to my isolation and aloneness. And it sure has made it difficult to reach out and make new friends here in KC (where I just moved two years ago). However, I made the very conscious decision some years ago, because of some bad advice, to cut off from a group of friends completely. That decision haunts me to this day -- in AA lingo it is a regret of the past.... wow, let me join you in your regret... do you feel like it would be wholesome to tell them now that you regret that it happened and that you have some fond memories of your times together? Maybe there is another way to forgive yourself, but I see this one as a proper way. Even if you'll never reconnect with them again, you'll get it off your chest.
> And, I made another decision, a good one I believe, to turn my back on fundamentalistic Christianity -- a place where I had many, many friends.
AKC, from the dream I had 2 days ago I got a powerful insight: people are not what they believe, they believe what they feel. You are a very passionate person and that probably made you friends with those people from church, not the shared dogma. From my personal experience I'd say that fundamentalists ( I know only Russian Ortodox and Roman Catholics) are very pure and passionate people, you can count on them in every situation. Or maybe I just got lucky. I am so greatful for all the good the church has done to my family. I get tired from ceremonies, and I do not frequent them today, but Faith is the greatest thing ever 'invented' by the humankind. It keeps the sense of the mystery alive.
> Ever since those two decisions, I have never had friends the same as then.
Do you know why? (besides moving, changing careers, and health problems?)
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> > BHW,
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> What does "BHW" stand for?Oops, a typo. I meant BTW (by the way)
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> I don't want you to think I am without any contacts. I actually have several people who care for me in AA and Alanon -- I think I am just reaching out to the wrong people, like this person who canceled the dinner plans. One of the only reasons I am going to AA and Alanon is for the socialization -- I have met some of the most caring, wonderful people. Also a few jerks, but I know how to duck and run. This particular friend is someone who happens to be a lesbian and I don't have too many lesbian friends. I continue to hope to make more connections in the lesbian community, so I have tried to nuture this connection. I am going to have to try other avenues.
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AKC, do everything in your power to find love. do not mind sex just for today. One of the sentences from Andrew Solomon that struck me most is where he says that sex on antidepressants is next to impossible that is unless you are deeply in love with your darling.> I will be honest -- even when I am at my best, I don't do well with strangers. It takes a lot for me to talk to strangers. I admire someone like you who can talk with people you meet in a restaurant or elsewhere -- I think that is neat.
maybe it is because I do not really perceive people from my streets as strangers. Toronto is a big city, but people who live in my area do not feel like complete strangers to me. I grew up in a village, and there the same thing happened. Half a village are 'strangers', others are 'not so strange', even if you barely know them. whoever walks my streets is easy for me to greet, for they are on my turf :)
>> I definitely could use a massage. I have been considering that a lot lately. Do you know someone in KC? Is a masseuse always female (let me demonstrate my ignorance)?
yes a masseuse is a female :) I wasn't really talking about a massage therapist. I see a difference here similar to a difference between a chef and a hospital cook. ( I am a chef myself, and when I feed patients where I volunteer a hospital food, my heart bleeds)... although not a lesbian, I sometimes crave a woman's touch, physically. It is more diffuse and nonspecific and pulls me out of my thoughts into a delicious sensual reverie. I mentioned massage by a woman to you because you are very smart, and smart people need a break, they need their body to take over once in a while. Maybe, when body starves, it aches and becomes moody. I do not know.
good night...
poster:mila
thread:9358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9405.html