Posted by AKC on July 14, 2001, at 8:26:45
In reply to Stumped, posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
For years I could not figure out what my problem was - and still fall in that trap from time to time - the worse happening when I am in the middle of depression. To an outsider, especially to some of my family members or some of my "closer" friends, I have the "perfect" life. I am a successful attorney, at one of the most prestigous law firms in the city. I am very personable - just need to lose a few pounds. I have it all. It reminds me of a scene from the "Prince of Tides" where Nick Nolte is saying just this to Barbra Streisand - hell we have it all - why nothing should be bothering us.
But yet, we are miserable. It is a hard lesson to learn that is is not the outside stuff that really dictates our life - yes we can laugh at something funny or cry at something sad, but most of life is not controlled by these things. Frigging little chemicals in our brains can really mess us up. And a lot of this was set in motion long before we got here. I was reading some more in Noonday Depression last night about how these pathways in our brain are established - basically we can get in a rut that we cannot get out of no matter how hard we try - no matter how hard we pull on the bootstraps - no matter how much encouragement we get from loved ones - no matter how we think we have nothing to feel depressed over (oh, buy the way folks - I am up to page 60 - that is an aside, Rach, if you haven't read some of my earlier posts!).
I guess my point I am trying hard to make is that there may be absolutely no objective point to the way you are feeling - but that doesn't mean you are not entitled to the feelings you are having - or are deserving of help. And the help should be twofold - I have over these past few years become absolutely convinced that we need both chemical and "talk" help to get through this. I tried talk alone - that never got me there. But chemicals don't seem to work by themselves either - there are so many subtle things I have learned over the years that keep me "stuck" - some I learned as a child from a wonderful (sarcasm is very strong here) father I had.
I hope this helps. I hear in your post a message I told myself for years - I believed for so long that nothing should be wrong with me - and I blamed myself - that I was somehow defective - instead of ill. There is a difference - I hope you are able to catch on sooner than I was.
AKC
poster:AKC
thread:7418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010706/msgs/7424.html