Posted by Rach on July 14, 2001, at 5:32:54
I just don't know where to go from here.
The thing that has me the most stumped is why am I depressed? I don't seem to have any logical reason for being depressed. As a child it wasn't in my nature to be sullen, and thus I don't think it is a personality thing. I just cannot come up with a reason as to why I am depressed.
Lately, I keep seeing things in the media about women discovering repressed memories of abuse, that when they are 25, 35, 45 years old, memories of abuse begin to surface. I wonder if I have repressed memories of abuse when I was a child. I know that I have repressed my memories before - I told my Mum at the time about certain events, and only 6 months later my Mum brought those events up. I had no recollection of what she was talking about, until we continued to discuss it over several weeks (and then I remembered things she didn't mention, so I know they weren't false memories).
Maybe I am just searching for an easy answer to my depression. I'm not in therapy right now, nor am I on ADs, and I would like to return to therapy but I have no money. I start a new job in two days, I'm freaking out about that, and I have borrowed money from my parents just so I can eat. I hope I can steel myself enough to stay with this job. I have a terrible track record with jobs, but I am in debt, I need the money, and I need the stability. Already, though, I am dreading going to work.
Why am I depressed? I love my parents, there was no major parenting problems, I have supportive friends and family, I love my sister & brother, I can be successful in anything I choose to do if I allow myself. I am usually on top of money; have enough to live on and be happy, I can get a good job with the snap of my fingers. I have ambition.
So what in hell is my BIG problem???
poster:Rach
thread:7418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010706/msgs/7418.html