Posted by phillybob on April 10, 2001, at 0:25:32
In reply to discovering who you are after years of suffering, posted by Kingfish on April 9, 2001, at 19:01:22
Hi, Kingfish. First off, I know you're a woman! Ha, I've unmasked you! (okay, you actually have referenced it before). :)
The only reason I tease you so is that on the Topamax thread, I thought you were a man for ... oh ... the whole time. :)
I'm sure there's a good story to your moniker.
As far as "re-self-discovery" as you put it, I'd say so for me but only somewhat (even though I'm not fully relieved of my depression's dastardly duties).
For me, it is more of seeing how so much of my life and the choices I've made have been affected by my illness. I guess I think I know who I am but have just not been that consistently (not even remotely so).
I feel kind of fortunate in the sense that I've been able to get by even when I was ill (and honed my acting skills in duping friends and family, to boot). Not having committed to much in my life has allowed me not to wake up and find myself in positions that I did not wish to be ... much of this "freedom" had been calculated in a two-fold manner: (1) I'm not stable/consistent enough to accept said commitment; and (2) When I finally am stable/consistent, I can then evaluate what I really want to be committed to, more clear-headedly (if I might adverbize an otherwise innocent adjective as I verbicize nouns as well).
Anyway, I'm just babbling (it's required here, you know). From what you've posted here, it seems that your situation (while somewhat the same in some ways) is quite different, in the sense that your illness might have really taken over the "you" and bandied it about to the point of non-recognition. My guess, though, is that it is still there, the kernel, the you, and that you might need to find (if you don't already have one) a good professional to talk it over with. My first therapist ever had referred a book entitled "Wishcraft" to me, and it's a worthwhile exercise to read it (requires the reader's active input ... just another self-help book, but maybe a cut above? I really wouldn't know having never read others and, in fact, never completed this one I'm referrin' to you!)
Okay, I'm done.
[By the way, you asked on about alcohol and Topamax on the legit-side of the Pbabble family of boards; I had posted in the other thread that you started that its only major effect tended to be a complete and utter inability to function the next day. Also, you are on, I think, Topamax, Lamictal and which AD?]
poster:phillybob
thread:5588
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5593.html