Posted by Adam on April 8, 2001, at 14:27:24
In reply to I am so alone, posted by PhoenixGirl on April 8, 2001, at 11:07:44
It may be a difficult thing to do, but if you haven't, you might consider a cognative-behavioral therapy group. Social phobia responds well (in general) to cognative-behavioral type therapies, and group therapy using this modality can be especially helpful, so the research is telling us.
I think there are certain caveats to consider with group theray, not the least of which is the group is not meant to be a surrogate for a social circle. Your therapist, especially, must encourage you to be active both in the group and outside of it. Ultimately, you must leave it. Phobias and anxieties, as terrible as they are, need to be confronted to be conquered, and the toll that confrontation can take is not small. A group is a great means of support for that effort, as the participants know what you're going through. By offering encouragement in that setting, you might also find yourself repeating to yourself (and believing) the same kind things you would tell someone else: You CAN have healthy relationships, and you CAN find friendship and love.
What I cannot stress enough is this perfectly true statement will only convince you at a deep level if you experience it. Intellectualizing isn't sufficient. Logic is not the key. You will know by doing, and you may require no small amount of "convicing" to feel it. Like I said, it can be really hard. Change is just plain difficult, and it can take a long time. The key is to try anyway, and to brace yourself for the failures and the discomfort. And to have some support. Perhaps most importantly, to have some support. Thus the benefit of the group.
> I'm 23 and have had depression since I was 12. Ever since age 11 or 12, I have felt so utterly alone and alienated from other people. For most of the past ten years, I did not even have acquaintances, much less friend. As a result of having so little social development during those critical years, I have trouble even beginning a relationship with another person, platonic or otherwise.
> I cannot describe in words this cold emptiness inside of me. I've been through many medicines and lots of therapy for my social phobia, which has helped but not enough. Every day for years I've had thoughts go through my head about me getting hurt or killed. All I want is closeness and love with other people. It tears my guts out when I see other people who are in love or having fun with friends. I know that I won'r survive if life keeps going on this way.
poster:Adam
thread:5563
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5567.html