Posted by Angela5 on November 4, 2000, at 13:16:26
And your body is trapped, too. (I moved in with my family after going on disability due to depression, and because it didn't seem like a good idea to be alone.) My mind is in hell; my body is in a place where "depression" is so foreign a term to everyone that it's almost absurd.
I'm told to regulate my sleeping schedule. (I can't sleep until 5-6 am and then get up at 2 pm.) I keep trying - it goes back to where it was. Getting things thrown on me and horns blown, etc., etc. at 9:30 am do not help, they hinder.
At least my stepfather has finally quit telling me how ugly I look at least 3 times a day (literally) since I finally completely broke down over that one.
If I were them, I'd hate to live with me, too. I can't even manage to sweep the floor. My mother set a sweeper outside my door, and apparently I was stepping over it for almost a week before I finally realized that it was even there. When she leaves me notes to do chores and such, it just seems impossible. I wish it didn't - I actually do WANT to help - but how do you explain that suddenly the floor just seems way too big, dusting seems like you might as well just give up - about the only thing I can manage to do is empty the damn dishwasher.
I don't mean to seem ungrateful. I'm fully aware that they don't have to let me be here, etc. It's just that my head is a nightmare in itself, right now I can't seem to stop crying, and I feel like I'm being further pounded into the ground by everything around here, although I know it's not intentional...
Sorry. Don't really mean to rant, it's just that there's no one to talk to but the dog, and I think he's sick of listening... I just want o be buried in a hole and never come out.
poster:Angela5
thread:2079
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2079.html