Posted by coral on October 23, 2000, at 6:23:06
In reply to Re:to Ted, posted by laural on October 21, 2000, at 9:03:08
Marriage is no insulation or guarantee if trouble strikes. After my first depression, my husband and I separated and were in the process of divorce. To his credit, he stayed with me while I was depressed (3 1/2 years) but withdrew emotionally. We've reconciled (six years and still going wonderfully!), but our ignorance allowed us to nearly destroy our marriage. Both of us becoming educated about depression became a priority. During my second depressive episode (much less severe and much shorter), we were equipped to handle it, which required a great deal of very open communication, including my keeping him abreast of meds, what I was feeling, etc., as well as where he was. He's learned when to gently nudge me to go for a walk or just allow me to hibernate. After a few bad days then a good day for me, he became irritable and stressed which bothered me, because it seemed like we both couldn't feel good at the same time. After discussing it with both he and my therapist, we've realized that when I'm going through a bad spot, he is more vigilant, caring for me. When I'm having a good day, he gets to "let down", releasing anxiety. It's a normal cycle. Understanding that has helped us tremendously. It's not being married that's made the difference, but the commitment to each other, which includes working through difficulties as well as sharing the joys, that matters. If I may suggest something, please be very direct with your boyfriend.
BTW, you're not "tainted goods"!!! Difficulties are part of the human condition. Your accepting your problems as part of you, and nothing to be ashamed of, may help him.
poster:coral
thread:1359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1483.html