Posted by quilter on October 13, 2000, at 23:52:17
In reply to Re: non-verbal self-experiences--ksvt, medlib, posted by Noa on October 11, 2000, at 10:17:55
> I, too have visual associations. For me, one of the most powerful, is an image of myself as a toddler alone in the hospital, crying uncontrollably, feeling overpowered by loss, abandonment feelings. Feeling not only unloved and abandoned, but like my own impotent rage is going to destroy me and the entire world with it because no one is there to comfort me. And, concluding, of course, that I must be unlovable and fundamentally defective as a human being to be in such a state where I feel so overwhelmingly hopeless.
Noa, this paragraph sent a chill of recognition down my spine. I have no reason to associate it with a real experience, but your description of the nonverbal elements was so very familiar... I had not realized how much my own anger made me feel frightened. I have been aware for years of how much other people's anger seemed threatening even when directed elsewhere, and of my need for control of myself even if it meant taking my own life.The sense of hopelessness and abandonment are a part of my worst feelings and the idea that I must be a bad person to have these things happening to me is so very basic to my understanding of my life that I hadn't realized it was the conclusion of a very small child.
Thank you for being able to put some of this out where it can be examined. Recognition is half the battle.
Quilter
poster:quilter
thread:901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1046.html