Posted by corafree on November 7, 2006, at 14:57:55
I told ICM I'd never completely trust him, I was tired of his showing up way late all the time, tired of his need/focus on/for 'a clump of peeps/fam' he kept me separate from, tired of his seeking praise for every little thing, sorry I was probably using him for company as was so lonely, and then, becuz' he was tryin' to talk me out of it, acted like a real bi*ch and said in an evil manner, 'Just Get Away From Me!' in a clear, cold, concise manner.
He's stolen so many things from me. He's lied so much. He often looked like was tweaking and I couldn't tell ... mania or tweaking ... which was it? Was afraid to ask him to drug test here at home becuz' he'd throw a fit and the whole condo assoc. would hear it and he'd hit me w/ a heavy guilt trip! Then, 'the first time I'd ever experienced this one'; he cheated on me.
Now I'm cryin' and lonely and have no IRL friends and fam' is too busy here and fam away from here don't want me anymore (incl. mo*her), and my father is gone, and I feel like curling up and fading away.
Why can't I just be one of those that gets real angry and goes out and finds someone else with which to enjoy life?
Why do I have to get into such long-term and in-depth relationships?
It's like I take 'em in and fix 'em up, then turn them away. Then like now, I feel a need for them.
Anyway, I'm feelin' sorry for self and sad and, okay, guess can call it 'deeply depressed'.
I think, did what was right.
Got to get him out of my head/heart/bedroom!!
elevenyears, cf
poster:corafree
thread:701299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/701299.html