Posted by LJRen on October 31, 2006, at 11:03:45
In reply to Re: Can I do this?, posted by Jost on October 30, 2006, at 22:51:18
Thank you, Jost. I really appreciate your feedback.
> I'm sad to hear that your friend doesn't feel he can be there for you right now.
>He has been there for me on thousands of occasions & has always been a pillar. I can't count the number of hours he's spent on the phone listening to me cry, whine, etc over the years. His sense of humor always brings me out of whatever funk I'm in. Plus, he doesn't have a judgemental bone in his body so he's always able to offer a different perspective on things that I just can't see on my own.
> I'm not sure what his motivations are, or why exactly he decided to pull back-- but I can only imagine how difficult that must be.
>For the first time ever, he's got his own issues. Quit his job 3 years ago and hasn't really worked since. He's been trying to start his own business but lack of motivation & depression are holding him back. I've tried being there for him, tried politely nudging, helped design marketing flyers and logos. But after getting cursed at once for nudging apparently too hard, I backed off and he's been going down hill ever since. And even though I'm an expert on depression, he won't listen me. He's obviously got to do this all on his own. I realize though that at this time, with what he's dealing with, he doesn't need to deal w/ my issues as well. He's been there for me plenty. He deserves some time off so he can work on himself.
I wish he would turn to me for help, but to be honest, I'm probably not strong enough to be of great benefit to him. Him pulling away made my insecurities flare up so much it scared me. Made me realized how dependent I am on him and that needs to change. So I have my own work to do as well.
> You should feel proud of what you did. I don't think it's manipulative for you to have insisted on some closure, for the moment-- enough information about what was going on, for you to make the decision that you made.
>
> It's decent and respectful of you to do that for him-- and shows a lot of self-respect and thought-- and yes-- I do think you can.
>Thank you, it's nice to hear the positive feedback. Something I just can't seem to get from my mother.
> It's going to be really difficult especially at first. I don't know what to suggest-- really-- other than perhaps getting involved with people-- either volunteering, joining a group, taking a class-- reaching out to others in some way.
>
> The one thing you might want to avoid is sitting at home, wishing you could talk to him.
>Yes, once I'm feeling a little stronger, I do plan on pursuing something. Oil painting or dance classes. My work & sleep schedule don't provide for a whole lot of free time but I'll figure something out.
Right now what helps in keeping me from wanting to talk to him is thinking about what he's done. Anyone who can shut someone out like that w/ barely a word is either a real jerk or real screwed up. So why would I want to associate with either? My hope is that in 6 months we'll both be healthier people and can go back to being friends w/o hurting each other.
Thanks again,
Ren
poster:LJRen
thread:698782
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/699288.html