Psycho-Babble Relationships | about interpersonal relationships | Framed
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Can I do this?

Posted by LJRen on October 29, 2006, at 16:02:05

I just made a 6 month communication hiatus with my closest friend today. He had stopped returning my phone calls, emails, & IMs about 5 weeks ago. He did send me 2 brief emails during that time stating he was sorting through some stuff and couldn't be my friend right now.

Considering the closeness of our friendship,how open I am with him about myself, and my emotional instability, it was too vague for me to handle. Never in the 12 years I've known him has he ever purposely ignored me. It's not like him to be so disrepectful. And over the days & weeks it was driving me crazy not knowing what was going on or why he couldn't even say "hi" to me on AIM.

I could feel my insecurities growing more out of control by the day. I recognized the psycho type thoughts of tracking him down to confront him face to face. I forced those thoughts from my head. But I couldn't resist reaching out through emails. Wed last week, I sent him a letter spelling it out for him how much it was hurting me that he was ignoring me. Told him I wanted to give him his space but now knowing if or when I'd speak to him again was driving me crazy. I asked him to please call, but over the next 4 days, I didn't hear from him.

So today, I sent a phone text message saying I wasn't emotionally equipped to handle his silent trip game and that it wouldn't kill him to call me. Told him to grow a pair & acknowledge that I exist. Said to be a man and talk to me and then I might go away.

Well, it worked b/c he finally called this afternoon. His goal has been to start his own business but it hasn't gone well b/c of depression & lack of motivation due to 3 years of not working. He said he's been trying to get his act together & to do that he needs to eliminate all stress & drama from his life. And since I lean on him a great deal for emotional support I tend to bring a lot of drama into his life. (Talk about feeling guilty about turning to your friends when you're feeling depressed.) And now, after witnessing my crazy emails & IMs it has made him feel strange and uncomfortable. He's not too sure about staying friends. I told him after being completely ignored like that, I wasn't too sure myself. But that we're both obviously not in very good places right now causing us to act inappropriatly. So I said let's give it 6 months. No calls, no emails, nothing. And then see where each of us is then.

I want to feel like that was a mature thing to do. But down deep, I feel like I'm just continuing to manipulate. I had to manipulate, cry, & fight just to get him to call. And I hate that. I don't like being manipulative. I want to be able to just ask for what I want.

I'm trying to relax now. I'm trying to put my mind & my heart at ease. I'm aware now & understand what's going on. But I'm scared. I want to live up to my deal and leave him alone for that long. I'm just not feeling very strong right now. This is so hard b/c he means so much to me, but I know I don't mean as much to him. I don't mean that much to anyone. Feeling disposable is such a wonderful thing.

Ren


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poster:LJRen thread:698782
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/698782.html