Posted by corafree on August 18, 2006, at 14:09:32
In reply to Re: Love - I Finally Pushed It Out of Reach » corafree, posted by Joan797 on August 17, 2006, at 19:24:19
B4 you responded Joan, he called. Why/how below.
The uncomfortable irony of lieing is that it becomes familiar, and I can do it now too, sometimes w/o intention.
Fifteen years ago I couldn't tell a lie to save my soul. My parents always said 'honesty is the best policy' ... and it played over and over and over in my head.
I do not lie here.
But, little white lies here and there IRL, plague me, and I always pray for forgiveness.
Stealing ... well I went over to my mother's winter home and 'in my anger at her' removed one of her paintings and brought it to my place ... thinking it would look perfect over my bed. But, I was going to call her and ask her if she would mind, as she is only a winter visitor here. I did, and she told me 'no'!(?) It felt like stealing. Well now I want to throw it in the trash! Instead, it's in my car ready to go back to her place. I feel 'sneakiness' lurking beneath my skin at times, and again I pray for forgiveness.
Cheating; no. I'm scared of STDs and maybe more of all the baggage that comes w/ another relationship. And, 'I think I'm too good' for someone's throwback.(?) Yeah, prob' ideation of grandiosity of something borderline'ish(?).
I'd been keeping 'my last resort to get his attention' in my pocket so to speak. So b4 you responded, right after I posted, I took it out and used it.
This is crazy and please don't think I'm a sl*t or something, but, if I call him and do/role play/whatever-u-call-it 'phone s*x' (I know!?), he has always responded.
I drape a thread over lockbox of my scrips, count my money (never keep much in purse). It's become a habit. He's coming over tonight.
Today, the reasons I push him away are coming to the forefront.
I think of myself 'as a good person' but I'm guilty of questionable and weak behavior.
goosebumps, cf
poster:corafree
thread:677488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/677799.html