Posted by corafree on August 17, 2006, at 18:16:41
I loved a lying, thieving, cheater for 11years.
The cheating, that I know of anyway, was this last year.
I loved a tall, dark, handsome, witty, laugh-a-minute, sensitive, intelligent, romantic, chef, 'wonder'ful artist for 11years.
'They' were 'one' I loved. Love was comfort.
I saw him cry more than once. He knew the words to all the best tunes and could sing so well. His cuisine was to die for. He surprised me w/ strategically planned romantic interludes. S*x was too satisfying. Just a few things about him.
Something would be missing from my place, and then might magically appear after I made mention of its missing. Money didn't re-appear. He could say it was 'my memory problem'. I gave him innocence and he loved it. He loved me. I saw him hide in corners and lost his mind time after time. I gave him a car and he wrecked it. I took him on trips .. he never took me out of town. He wanted to marry me. Just a few more things about him.
He stopped(?) using meth when I hooked him up w/ a good counselor 6-7yrs ago and from there the avenues to connect to the system that caters to 'the good' and 'the bad' opened to him.
Some lies seeped through to 'some' others, but I remained estranged from 'his friends'. Most of them, I didn't want to befriend. He was good. I wish (wished) I had 'Angela's Eyes'. He said 'the truth hurts people' and 'his big brothers stole his toys'.
I began 'to know' he was conning me a couple years after we met, both having just lost our spouses/families/homes. At first I pretended not to see/know. Then, I could pretend no more, and I knew that no matter how hard I tried not to call him on this or that, 'I couldn't help but begin to right the wrongs and thus push him away'. That's what I do.
I first began 'pushing away' when I became ill w/ premenstrual dysphoric disorder and an ex divorced me because I was no longer the life of his&everyones party.
Then, back to my love of 11yrs.
I began to manipulate him(?). He even spent his own real money on me! The engagement ring is stuck on my finger and I need to go to a jeweler to have it cut off. This was shortly before my father died, about 2-1/2yrs ago. I was never going to marry him.
Well now, I've finally pushed him far away and for good.
Today, on road re: appt, I text-messaged him, 'Call 2 meet 2 talk' and an hour later w/o a response from him, 'Begging'.
He won't respond, call, or come to me.
I need bread, but couldn't pull into Circle-K.I have my bottle of water and smokes, and I laid down to rest, realize, 'see', pray, and ... thought of you all.
I miss him.
lessloveless, cf
poster:corafree
thread:677488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/677488.html