Posted by inimitable on August 13, 2006, at 13:35:13
i normally post on the psychology board, but i figured they'd just redirect my message here, so let me just give you a little info, i'm technically married (starting divorce process in Dec, after i'm done with university), and have been infatuated with my Therapist (not so much anymore, but it still hurts a little), and haven't really connected when i've been in love. i alwasy thought that love isn't really real, like i didn't want myself to think i could actually GET it, the sort of love that you do FEEL something,a connection, passion...what have you. so i settled, often for guys i wasn't attracted to physically at all, but they were good men, had okay personalities, but good men. so having sex with them, well, it didn't really do anything for me, and there was no intimacy, no nothing. so anyways i'll get to my story
i met a guy a week ago, in a club, i love to dance and he was dragged there by friends (he doesn't normally like clubs). anyways his friend (a girl) usually picks girls that she thinks he'd like and i guess she picked me, and introduced us.....to make a long story short, we've been talking on the phone this whole past week, cause i met him while i was visiting home (two hrs away) and he lives in that area, so now i am back in my college apartment, two hours away, so we've been talking on the phone. when i met him, i was amazed that he would want to meet me, he is very attractive. anyways he has invited me to his friend's wedding (the one that introduced us), in two weeks. but the phone convos are getting kind of weird, like for once in my life, i don't know what to say, i'm not myself at all around this guy. well i am, but not as much so. He is just like me. see, when i am getting to know someone, you know i've met themn and then we hook up for a date, i find out everything i can about them, their past, their hopes for the future, etc. everything cause i have always believed in communication and if you can't talk to the person and if you don't know things about them, where can a relationshiop go? but the thing is, the guys i usually go out with aren't like me at all, they never asked me about myself, i just TOLD them about myself, they weren't talkers at all really, didn't really seem to have an opinion on anything...well, a couple did, but they still weren't much like me. but this guy, his name is Eryk, he is totally like me in a lot of ways!!! and it's great to finally have someone who understands me, and the way i am, cause i haven't had that before, but now, i can't seem to be myself, i'm NERVOUS, for the first time in my life, about a guy. because i've never really got to get to know a guy that i had a crush on or anything, that i really wanted, cause those guys usually didn't like me. but everytime i have to call Eryk, i get so nervous wondering what we'll talk about, and then there are the times of silence on the phoen where i don't know what to say, i'm getting nervous just typing about it!!! and then it's like, ive been talking to him every night, and i don't really want to call him cause i don't want to get bored, cause there have been silences where it's like "what do we talk about now?" i've actiually even said those words. and we talk about everything, i do know a lot about him and he knwos a lot about me....but i'm getting bored with the phone convos and need to see him in person cause i feel like a fool when there's nothing to say, i do so much better being with someone in person. and you know i think it's really weird because we had only really been arounbd eachother in person for a few minutes at the club, cause it closed a few minutes after we were introduced. and so it's liike i need to be with him in person to really get a feel for him, even though i'm getting the idea of what kind of guy he is over the phone and from our convos, but still.....i'm going crazy and get sooooonervous...
i've been dying to talk to someone about it, and my appointment with my T was gonna be tomorrow but he called while i was writing this and said he's been a bit sick and has to reschedule for wednesday, so now i have to wait even more!!!!
thatnk you all for listening to my troubles, and please forgive the typos, i'm not gonna bother cleaning it up!*inimitable
poster:inimitable
thread:676044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/676044.html