Posted by dmlvt on July 26, 2006, at 8:26:45
In reply to so hurt, posted by wildcardII on July 13, 2006, at 22:39:28
I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
I grew up with a different kind of abandonment. Dad was there, but clearly "not into" being a parent or a husband. He was gone all the time, drinking, volunteering in the community, working, etc. Outside the house, he was a "pillar of the community". At home, he was either missing or in a rage. Everyone feared him. My mother dealt with it through valium. The rest of us just survived the best we could.
Today, my parents are divorced because my dad left my mom for another woman when mom became too ill to be his slave any more. She was abandoned and is now institutionalized, a physical and emotional train wreck, not yet 65 years old and a ward of the state.
My dad wants to hang out with me, visit the grandkids, and act like nothing in the past ever happened. I try hard to forgive, but I cannot forget. It infuriates me the amount of time and money I've spent in therapy dealing with the way he treated the whole family growing up. I repeatedly try to claim that he is not worth the effort and I won't care any more, but the anger and resentment are hard to purge.
Everything I know about being a husband and father I learned from him, but by him doing it wrong.
If I didn't have kids - his grandchildren - I wouldn't let him in my life at all. My brother has done exactly that.
So, I can empathize and I'm sorry. Abandonment can take many forms and the innocent people who are abandoned are always left wondering "why" while the guilty parties just go on as if life is fine.
dmlvt
poster:dmlvt
thread:666917
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/670661.html