Posted by Tamar on March 11, 2006, at 18:44:26
In reply to addicted to male attention, posted by wildflower44 on March 9, 2006, at 23:48:23
> I thrive on getting positive male attention. It is like heroin to me. It is such an adrenaline rush and high. I love for men to admire me, want to talk with me, flirt with me, and to say positive things about me. I love the attention. It is like oxygen. Magic. When I have men to flirt and chat with, and men who are admiring me, I'm happy and alive. I'm on. When I don't have that in my life I am depressed and feel like I have nothing to live for. Ya, I get suicidal. I don't have female friends really. I mean, I can chat with a female for a few minutes, but I usually feel anxious and feel like she doesn't really want to be talking with me. I am so pathetic. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I am 44 years old. I am somewhat attractive (okay, I'm beautiful without make up, I hate admitting that). I have been this way since a teenager. Friends have told me: you need to get a hobby. You need to have something else in your life besides men. I have taken up drawing, watercoloring, journal writing, exercise, gardening, home repairs... NOTHING feels as good or is as satisfying and stimulating as having a man around.
> I feel hopeless. It is driving me crazy. What is wrong with me?
Er… I’d venture to say nothing is wrong with you. You enjoy the attention of men because you are human. Maybe you have quite a high sex drive… which is perfectly natural.
You don’t mention having a partner, so I wonder whether you get high on the attention but find relationships difficult. If that’s the case you’re not unusual. In fact, it’s particularly common in women who have been sexually abused or assaulted, or have other reasons for fearing intimacy with men.
I’m maybe a little more concerned about your feelings towards women. Your feelings of anxiety around women suggest to me that you worry about all kinds of intimacy. I can imagine that if you are very beautiful, you have probably experienced a lot of jealousy from other women. Do you know any gay women? I imagine it’s easier to be beautiful among lesbians, because the element of competition is removed: gay women would find you attractive without wanting to compete with you for male attention.
And maybe, once you get used to women, you might be able to forge friendships with straight women.
It all sounds to me as if your primary wish is to be liked. Maybe you find it hard to get feelings of being liked from women (perhaps because you are very attractive), and you thrive on sexual appreciation from men. And yet perhaps you know deep down that sexual appreciation from men isn’t the same thing as being liked.
You seem likeable to me. I’m sure you are a nice person. I think the idea of a hobby is a good one; it’s much easier to get to know someone who has common interests. Maybe you can learn to enjoy the company of people (male and female) who share your interests.
And I’d also say that perhaps you might think about what *you* like in other people rather than worrying what they might or might not like about you. I reckon in due course you might find that men are just people; they’re not a completely different species and they can be friends too!
I hope you find the relationships that will make you happy…
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:618219
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/619029.html