Posted by Tamar on October 11, 2005, at 9:23:49
In reply to My ex is doing what??????, posted by lakesguy78 on October 10, 2005, at 14:57:57
Hi Lakesguy
The difficult thing about sex with an ex is that you might find yourself wanting the relationship back. I know I did… when I was in my twenties I went through a painful break-up with my boyfriend, but we continued to have sex for a few months. And although I enjoyed the sex, I really wanted my boyfriend back. Eventually we stopped doing it and I missed it, but I think I wasn’t really able to get over the relationship while we were still being so intimate.
> I tend to get in over my head sometimes with women, as with this one, so I dont want to get hurt again. I do like talking to her, but.....I am not sure if the casual thing is very healthy or normal...
I think it can be healthy and normal. It depends on the circumstances. I don’t think it’s a sex addiction. Some people feel that love and sex don’t have to go together, and they can enjoy sex without a relationship. That seems to work fine as long as they have sex with other people who are also looking for sex without a relationship.
However, it might not be healthy or normal *for you*. If you feel that sex without love and commitment is empty and meaningless, then I suspect you might get hurt if you have casual sex with your ex-girlfriend. But I would also imagine that continuing to be friends with her and chatting on the phone might also be difficult for you.
I think different people deal with the break-up of a relationship in different ways. Some people like to remain friends (I’m like that; I have several close friends who were once partners, and perhaps your ex-girlfriend is like that too). But it’s very difficult to establish a friendship with a former partner and it doesn’t work for everyone.
What do you really want from her? Do you want her friendship? Or a casual sexual relationship? Do you feel that if you can’t get back together with her it’s best to just move on and not be friends with her? It’s hard to be honest with yourself about these kinds of questions, but you will probably find things easier in the long run if you can be as honest with yourself as possible.
I hope that’s of some help.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:565267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051002/msgs/565618.html