Posted by ariel on July 1, 2005, at 16:49:45
In reply to Re: Need support to get over married lover! Help! » ariel, posted by Susan47 on July 1, 2005, at 11:44:21
> I'm glad you're a happily retired professional.. sounds like maybe you need to come out of retirement when it comes to dating, though. Are you married right now?
LOL, I like that, the coming out of dating retirement. No, I'm not married anymore. If my husband hadn't completely blown our 20 yr marriage to the point our kids didn't want him around, I would've stayed married. I was a great wife and really enjoyed doing all that married couple stuff, esp. when it came to extended families.
<It's so difficult being alone, I know that for me it's horrible. I don't do well alone, without the excitement of an affair... it's been a long, long time for me, too long. If someone I was attracted to were to want to see me, I don't know how strong I'd be knowing it would hurt me in the end. I don't know what's harder, being alone always, or being with someone very very part-time.>
I've always been someone who craved lots of private time, right from my early childhood. But when one has been left alone, if the time alone isn't of one's choosing, I agree that it's hell. A friend of mine remarked that until a love affair of hers went sour, being alone was comfortable. Once the boyfriend wasn't in the picture, she sank into loneliness. That's the big difference. My very part time boyfriend made feel lonely for the first time in decades. I went from confident, carefree, adventurous, independent, all the attributes he found so compelling, to lonely far too much of the time. That lead to successive depressions. My therapist pulled me out by having me go back to being happily alone (took lots of hard work!). It's "happily" most of the time now. What I'm trying to do is to manage the missing of my boyfriend in a dreamy, nice way, instead of the gnawing pain in the heart way.
If I was to find someone whose definition of part time was getting together once or twice a week, staying in touch thru email, and some phone calls, I'd be pretty darned delighted. The guy I rebounded with smothered me. The day after I broke up with him, I felt positively elated, like I had escaped from prison. A happy medium, like a part time thing, would be fine with me. Why do you feel that you can only have a part time affair? You're single, right? Do you end up with married men, even though you don't intend to?
< But no matter what, I do know it's good to have a lot of friends. I don't know, I've never been really friends with a man, do you have male friends? Can they help you get over this man?>
I miss all the male friends I had over the years. I worked with a largely female staff, but there would always be a guy on staff, too. And we'd always be best friends. Didn't matter if he was straight or gay, we'd hit it off right away. It was a great way to flirt and have fun with a guy not my husband. Very safe. I've considered going online to find a guy just to be my good buddy. I'm not kidding. I have a few close girlfriends of long duration but I am very lazy about socializing with them. I almost always prefer my time alone over time spent with a gf.
Do you have any pets? I am a huge fan of needy pets. Their love is endless and pure. And kids or family? Lastly, have you considered, or are you in, therapy? I resisted for years and years, thinking the Effexor cured me. I've become a true belieer in talk therapy.
poster:ariel
thread:520583
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/522058.html