Posted by ariel on June 30, 2005, at 10:10:45
In reply to Re: Need support to get over married lover! Help! » ariel, posted by crazyteresa on June 29, 2005, at 18:15:22
(I wrote a whole book and then checked the no message box by mistake! Oh, well, maybe I should edit it down, LOL).
Your are both 1000% right, not-so-crazy Theresa and Tamara. I sold myself very, very short. My boyfriend told me that, too. This affair was unusual in that he was far more honest with me than I was with him. He took me at my word that I would stick by him, even though I was lying through my teeth to myself. I'm not cut out for the "other woman" role. I'm too dominant. By tailoring myself to meet his needs, I ended up with several walloping depressions. Until this relationship, I was always the one who called the shots or, in the case of my long term marriage, met someone halfway, worked it out.
Yeah, it absolutely sucked not having an above the board partnership where my boyfriend wasn't a phantom. He was so very careful and so very much the paterfamilias, that spending more than a few hours during a weekday with me was strictly off limits. The only thing I had to look forward to was the possiblity that when the kids in our respective families were out of the house, he'd work up the courage to spend more time with me. I told myself this was fine while, at the same time, I was consumed with jealousy that his wife got to go food shopping or visit the in laws with him.
So, I'm not writing him anymore. Long story short, he's been largely unavailable these past couple years due to Biblical like family tragedy. It's like God decided to punish him for his transgression, the set backs have been so bad. At the very least, they've been ironic in the extreme. Meanwhile, I've been fortunate to get out of a stupid rebound relationship and resume my life as a mother and very happily retired professional.
I posted because from time to time, I need the support of smart, non-judgemental women like yourselves. Please bear with me if/when I backslide. An intense love affair, however misguided and immature, doesn't loosen its grip quickly or easily.
poster:ariel
thread:520583
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/521478.html