Posted by Susan47 on June 4, 2005, at 12:24:21
In reply to Re: Stereotypes » Susan47, posted by 10derHeart on June 3, 2005, at 22:18:21
No, my first reaction to what you're writing now is no, I'm not fearful, but then I make a big chain, you know, a heavy chain with huge, heavy steel links, it's a link from the dock to the ship ... when I was three we "came to America" ... I remember a huge ocean liner, with big anchors in front, and a huge wooden dock, empty but for some few tiny humans ... I remember the solidity of the dock beneath my feet, I remember some huge emotion, my father's excitement ... a smell of ocean .. it was Hamburg ...
Whew.
Don't know why I just went there. I haven't remembered this incident so clearly, so freely, in my life. I remember this.
Oh yes, penises. Lovely, lovely hard and soft hot and mellow things .. attached to a mind, attached to strength, attached to me ... hmh. No, not attached to me, but inside me, somewhere ...
Okay.
Yes, I suppose somewhere inside me is a fear of men's sexuality. I want to find it beautiful, I want to find my own beautiful. Maybe the fear is that it's not acceptable? I think my parents were really really sexual, even in front of us, Well, I think about the way they were and yes, they really were in some ways.. they were sometimes pretty disgusting about it, in my little mind .. but I don't know why I think that, except when I think they didn't like to see anything sexual about us, or maybe it was that they did, you know, and they laughed at it.
Or something.
Something.
Wish I knew, think it might not be important to dissect, you know but I have this feeling that my subconscious isn't going to let it rest.
It never does.
I try, but I have this really strong subconscious mind.
Whew.
poster:Susan47
thread:500245
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/507595.html