Posted by just plain jane on February 7, 2005, at 21:02:22
In reply to AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on February 7, 2005, at 19:48:04
> Well, actually I meant taking your mind back to a point in childhood when you were really really happy. I mean, way far back beyond this dude. It might be a long stretch, I know it is for me.
Susan, remarkable that you should say this just now. I recently realized that I am no longer feeling miserable because I am "back" to the place where I know who I am and how I need to live. And it is a place extremely similar to before I was sexually assaulted, before I was physically butchered, before the man I loved had killed himself.
The difference is, although I cannot undo any of those things, being on this side of those traumas, I have finally begun to let myself feel the pain of them, allow them to begin to heal, accept them as integral to who I am; to re-capture myself as I was before and see that I am, indeed, still that same woman, still have the same desire for my own personal life, and to put my feet and mind on the road to where I truly want to be.
For me, this road does not include a significant other. He died twenty-two years ago. Yet, he has never left me, and it was this that I did not allow to comfort me for so long.
This road includes all the dreams and plans I had, and have never lost, only misplaced. It is not an easy road, but it is a very worthwhile trip. It's a lot like the one I had planned when I was 19 instead of 49.
The scars I bear are, at times, consoling reminders that, in spite of all I put myself through and all that was done to me, I am blessed to be able to be on this road again.
Guess I wandered off the original thread. Wish this could give AdaGrace a little encouragement that, yes, there is good life after misery. If we allow it, and pursue it.
sighhh...
bedtime.
jpj
poster:just plain jane
thread:454257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/454690.html