Posted by alexandra_k on November 1, 2014, at 17:37:17
In reply to transfer blog to person, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 1, 2014, at 1:35:49
hey. you know, i think it is easy to look at a group of people and to think that they are all best friends and are all having a lot of fun together... but really... some of them are putting on happy faces but feeling lonely inside... some of them wish they had the guts to be by themself but feel that they have this image management thing so they need to stay with people so that is the story they get to tell to others... some of them are probably feeling bullied by some of the others... and a few of them are genuinely gregarious and loving all the people... sucking all the energy out of others... yeah...
i'm a bit of a cynic.
i just mean to say... that saying (in front of a bunch of people) 'hey, i've got your back' is one thing... actually having your back when the going gets tough is something very different. and... something i'm learning... sometimes people have my back sometimes but not othertimes. depends what i need help with. depends on what they have going on in their life besides...
but still... i'm sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely right now.
i think sometimes... it is about emotion regulation. we like to spend time around people who help us feel good. we don't like to spend time around people who help us feel not so good. if someone is depressed... on a downer... it can be hard to spend time around them, yeah. we might start out in a good mood but then when they don't seem responsive to catching our mood we start to catch theirs... then we get to the point of struggling to put on a happy face... and down into the pit we are likely to go. so it is hard... but most people find they need to limit the amount of time they spend with someone who is down / complaining...
give and take... that is what relationships are about, i think. you have their back a bit... and they have yours. judging reciprocity policing freeriders... being able to be authentic a bit sometimes... hardest thing in the world to juggle all that...
i think that is why i vent / talk so much on here... to help me limit the amount i need to do it IRL... it does help... helps for me to be able to externalise it a bit which i feel i get to do here... otherwise drives me nuts going round and round and round in my head... helps me feel a little less alone. even if nobody reads much of any of it. it sort of... doesn't matter. just the possibility that they could helps it feel external.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1073073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1073087.html