Posted by rskontos on October 3, 2014, at 16:08:08
In reply to Re: MIA but back now... » rskontos, posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2014, at 15:46:47
> I certainly remember your posting name, but I have a bit of an ambivalent relationship to the psychology board. Mostly because I mostly couldn't access the therapeutic treatment that I thought would be good for me. I found it hard to read about peoples relationships with their therapists when I often didn't have a therapist or had a therapist who was a poor fit but didn't have alternative options. But then for a while... I did have a therapist who was fairly much what I thought I needed. And then I suppose it was I who let the relationship slide. And now... I meet with someone for coffee around every two weeks. And surprisingly... That is actually going really well for me. I think it is about what I need right now. So it will be easier for me to be here, I think. I have a history of dissociation... But late near the end of last year was diagnosed with Aspergers. A lot of the dissociation stuff has been re-cast as problems with sensory integration. Less focus on trauma and more on sensory overwhelm in the present. It has been... Liberating for me, actually. I suspect... Because I'm at the right point on my journey for it, if that makes sense. Having processed other aspects... Anyway... Relationships are the hardest thing in the world. I think. But I guess that is where I'm at :-D
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Like TwinLeaf says many of us have dissociation which ranges across a continuum. I on the other hand am highly dissociative even to present day. I understand recently why. My marriage has been abusive but i dissociated and did not actually remember. My son had a huge blowup with his father and he told the whole sordid story and his sister confirmed it. It really pisses me off because once i got out of my parents home (mother crazy and allowed men to abuse me, wow that is hard to type still) father was aloof, disconnected, disinterested because he did not believe I was his, yep he told me this several years back, i wasn't ever going to be hurt again. Well unfortunately I was not always in the driver's seat of my life so I married someone that is damaged but in denial.Like you I have not been consistent in therapy because of school my pdoc/therapist and i went to an as needed basis. Then when I graduated he and I reconnected and 2 months later he died of a heart attack. And no one informed me. That basically knocked me off my axis, what little I felt I had at that time. The job was too much alone and my functional medicine doctor urged and urged me to quit because i was getting physically sick due to all the triggering this job caused. I have had to fight to get back to some assemblance of normal. Not quite there but doing better. Because it was taking me so long to recover the physical issues I knew I had to confront my past and begin recovery work on my memories. And to finally integrate my selves. it is hard hard work. I finally found another therapist after I went through so many that I connected with. I feel safe with her now.
I am glad you found a solution to therapy that works for you. It is important to connect and it seems you are doing pretty good. I am glad you recognized my posting name. i always went by rsk...when i signed things that is...
it is interesting that you received the Aspergers dx and the focus changed. like you said sometimes it is more a matter of how much we can handle at a given time. It seems that somehow the new dx freed your mind up to handle the healing process. It is great when we feel we are moving forward. toward healing and potential...good luck with the new situation for coffee/therapy.
If I overshare please accept my apologies...it has been too long of keeping things within my head...
poster:rskontos
thread:1071747
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1071795.html