Posted by Partlycloudy on July 26, 2014, at 7:24:00
In reply to Re: Not thinking right, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2014, at 1:21:51
> rehab is a difficult environment. i found myself in two such settings... and while neither sounds as bad as the experience you had... it was still pretty far from therapeutic for me.
>
> with respect to the change thing... if he doesn't want to change... i don't suppose you can make him. sometimes... there can be miscommunications, though. he thinks you want x but really you want y. i wouldn't know how to go about sorting those out...
>
> it might be that you can learn to live with... perhaps even be happy in your current situation (perhaps especially if he actually is happy with the way things are?) if you get to exercise more freedom to seek the companionship you seek outside the relationship... or maybe not... it is hard...
>
> anyway... hang in there...Yeah, I am continuing to try to regain my ground at home. I am getting a lot of defensive sarcasm thrown back at me. Very familiar, we have been through this several times. At the moment, I think my job is to get my act together and if the relationship can keep up, then it's a win.
It's a balancing act. I have been beating myself down quite nicely to meet the expectations he has of me. Now that I am starting to feel better, actually making friends (!) outside the house and going to outings and meetings, he's really left with his own world he's made, which is quite isolated.
The more I get out and spend time with like minded people; and that encompasses a pretty broad range, the better I feel about myself. The easier it is to be non combative but assertive. It finally sank in that only by working on myself could I expect a healthier marriage. And I will do my part.
I am also going to speak with a neuroscientist from the local uni about treatment possibilities regarding addiction and early childhood trauma. It's become quite the hot subject lately, and I would rather put all of that behind me instead of dragging it with me.
Thanks for your thoughts. I read a lot about the Church of Scientology this morning (they have a big Flagship center not far from us) and the techniques used at the rehab place I went to are quite similar. Yikes.
PC
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1068500
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1068794.html