Posted by alexandra_k on March 9, 2014, at 4:41:04
In reply to Re: ot, posted by Partlycloudy on March 8, 2014, at 20:21:04
i think the fit is the most important thing.
the therapists i've fit the best with are the therapists who were willing to talk theory. or to think theory. to learn new theory. to deepen and develop their own understanding. to discuss things with me. to suggest things... to take things i have to say on board...
like Kathy. it was later... i found she had a PhD in history and actually lectured it for a while before training to be a clinical psychologist. we talked a lot about narrative. about intentions. stuff like... figuring out / narrating why my father left. stuff like that. she was great for me because we came to a fairly shared understanding on the process of... the utility of... narration. as a process of working through.
or my therapist in australia. who introduced me to new theorists. who gave me stuff to read (if i was interested). i learned a lot about stuff that was more psychodynamic. newer understandings of trauma. and his theoretical orientation was about the emotional attunement / connection thing. which was... different from any kind of therapy i'd had... helpful insofar as he refrained from judging me. mostly.
the intellectual connection is important to me. thinking... conceptualising... it is a huge part of who i am. and i think that over time... i've come to a fairly sophisticated conceptualisation, actually. on things like the role of the emotions, the nature of memory, the scope for interpretation... all kinds of things that are important for ones conception of blame and responsibility and... i simply don't see how i'm supposed to connect to people who... speak in catchy phrases 'which skills did you practice today, dear?' or 'but what does your wise mind say?' whenever you say something they disagree with or whatever...
not that ot is quite that bad... but i just don't see... how we can have much of a connection. she... has to be doing something. she has to be educating me (telling me how she's been taught that things are). she has to be offering me advice (skills to try or whatever). she can't just... sit back and relax and... let me. she's too busy doing her thing.
i can play a game so she keeps seeing me... but eventually... what's the point?
i need to accept that this is all the service will offer me.
and there it is.
i suppose i need to raise the issue of what will happen with me when my disability comes up for renewal. not end of this year... end of next. aside from that... i don't know what to say. i... can't talk to her. because she can't shut her pie hole. and there it is.
that always has been the problem of my life... i never did have anyone... whom i could talk to. talk *with*. anyone who helped me feel understood. people try... then i just feel horrible that they didn't succeed. like it is my fault that they didn't. they sure as hell blame me for it. shame on me for not sucking it up and making them feel understood... appreciated... valued... shame on me.
sigh.
people dno't really work for me.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1062034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20131211/msgs/1062088.html