Posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2014, at 15:24:19
In reply to ot, posted by alexandra_k on March 7, 2014, at 22:56:52
i asked her that, actually. well... i didn't say 'pie-hole' but i conveyed the general gist.
then i think of monotonous speeches... the stereotype of an autistic kid recalling from memory the name of every dinosaur he knows, or model aircraft, or...
then i think of the average psychiatrist and their beloved dsm... and the passion with which max would write letters to the government about actual consequences for people who litter cigarette butts...
the problem i have with most people i've seen in therapy... is that they are unable to be quiet. instead of operating all top down (imposing themself on the world / on me) they are unable to... sit back... and operate bottom up. listen to me. see me. actually... get to know me. they are too busy trying to sort whatever limited part of my existence they can bear to face and distorting that into their overly simplistic categories and schemas... such things as 'black and white thinking' and 'judging' and so on... then when the 'right box' gets filled for them they have this little speel... (not like max's mind, not like max's at all) about what is wrong with me...
i said all i had to worry about was chemistry...
and got a little speel on how worry=bad.
and i was surprised. uh, no. worry-good. incubation... then at three in the morning 'oh! g /cm3 is just a notational variant on g -cm3'. a dog worries a bone...
when all you have is a hammer.
sigh.
i don't know how long this will last. i... i'm not going to get what it is that i want here. i... don't know that i can communicate it in a way that won't make them hate me. but even if i could... there isn't anyone. they all bailed. to australia, at least. years ago. or possibly to be found in private practice. but no, i expect not. there comes a certain point at which you go... for the community. i don't think we have any analytic societies over here. such things are... absent from this country. like how physiotherapy here is... anti-intellectual. like being a builder with a set of tools... this country has taken linehan... and used her stuff on how to train a dbt therapist... and used it to train nurses / social workers etc to do 'the most effective form of therapy'. that wasn't linehan's intention... linehan's intention was to use it to train PhD clinical psychologists. to ADD to their toolkit. to EXTEND or EXPAND upon their knowledge base. but here... it has become everything. why? because it is cheaper. talk therapy here is... physio. just like that. the anti-intellectual... the 'i like to talk about me so i'd like to work as a lifeline volunteer so i can impose myself on people lonely enough to listen to me!'.
this cuts me off, rather, from people whom i can relate to. because at the end of the day... it isn't about exercise for me. it isn't about being a bit of a tom boy or hating having my hair cut... insofar as i wanted help with communicating with others... its help communicating with my supervisor etc. someone who has an understanding of academic... ettiquette. and expectation. who can read between the lines on an email... who can help me conduct myself professionally and appropriately.
who can help me do that?
how else will i get a job in academia?
what else will i do?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1062034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20131211/msgs/1062065.html