Posted by alexandra_k on December 4, 2013, at 15:40:51
In reply to Re: done, posted by alexandra_k on December 4, 2013, at 15:11:03
I asked one of my friends here why she had decided that she doesn't want a career in philosophy.
she said it was because she was tired of feeling like a lazy slacker all the time. she said she spent much of her life feeling like that. feeling guilty that she wasn't producing more work. feeling guilty that she wasn't producing better work.
i think that is it, at the end of the day. why most PhD students (or sometimes people get this at Masters level, even) choose to opt out.
most of them go on to productive careers. highly valued in the civil service, for example. able to produce work of the required standard to deadline. no problems. constant promotions etc.
i am... tired of feeling guilty all the time. tired of feeling like a lazy slacker.
i think maybe your kids helped you. someone here (who is good moral support for me) said she probably wouldn't have finished if it wasn't for get getting pregnant. she realized it was now or never. sometimes things like that. put the deadline on you. so you just rise to the occasion and get it done. i am trying to work myself up to my study next year (starting March 3) being a deadline for me. now or never. need to get it done by then.
(this strategy is sort of working... my starting to study for next year, already is PROCRASTINATION. the things is... grades-wise... i don't actually have to do all that great for medicine. not compared to how well i have to do to do a research career in bio-medical science, for instance. i needn't stress so about the grades. it is just... procrastination).
because i'm so tired of feeling like a lazy slacker all the time. of working hard and getting nowhere. of... the hours spent on mindless little computer games because i simply can't face it...
i'm not half as incompetent as i feel most of the time. i hear. but... philosophy is not for me. that drive... that having something to say... or that thick-skinned thing that some people have where they either don't much notice that they don't or they don't much care... i don't seem able to muster that.
i thought i might do better with... something to *do*. petrie dishes to fill. instructions to follow. patients to see / get through. something... i don't know.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1055254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130930/msgs/1055430.html