Posted by alexandra_k on September 5, 2013, at 2:01:38
In reply to Re: Ideal Therapist, posted by Dinah on September 1, 2013, at 22:51:21
I've come to think that "good enough" isn't so much about coming to terms with the fact that nobody is perfect... As it is about that is what is "perfect" or "required" in order for the client / patient to make psychological growth / to get better.
It is like there is this gap or this hole or this failure... This void maybe, even. And something has to fill it. Something... Negative. Something... Positive. Or at least neutral. And the client can't do it. Because they haven't been modeled that enough / taught how. So the therapist helps teach them... But then there have to be gaps in order for the client to see that now they CAN do it. If there weren't gaps then the client wouldn't be able to extend their new ability. Stretch their new wings. Or whatever.
I think Kohut saw it that way, anyway... Pretty sure I read that somewhere.... Because some therapists misinterpreted it as they were supposed to TRY and create these empathetic failures and he said NO - they would happen all by themselves by the very best therapists...
> "Veterinarians aren't like washing machines, are they?" and it was just the right thing to say - to me. Because to me it was really a very big deal, and a very real loss.
That is wonderful. And I see how it was the perfect thing to say to you. Shows that he really knows you and pays attention to what you say to him. And empathizes. And some of that is about being stretched...
I keep thinking of you stretching me with your talk about coral colonies... And the whole washing machine thing, too... Sometimes I feel like we are two sides of a coin... So different... Yet so much the same...
Perhaps.
> I see these paragons in the occasional movie or TV series. I don't think I'd much care for them in person. So maybe I think an ideal therapist would have to have the occasional breakthrough of humanity and flaws.
Ahaha that is funny. I wonder what is wrong with the 'perfect' ones. They seem... Artificial? Contrived? Cold? Not in tune with their own emotional responses?
>Oh, and ideal therapists (or good enough ones) should have an excellent self awareness and/or a really good supervisor or therapist. They have to be aware of what is their stuff as opposed to what is their client's stuff.
I wonder sometimes if the whole therapy thing... Might really be about working through the client-therapist encounter. That the issues are client-therapist issues. And some of them the client experiences with other individuals, too. And some of them the therapist experiences with other individuals, too. I wonder if it is more that the process of working through... Gets easier with practice. Or something like that...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1049989
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130807/msgs/1050174.html