Posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2013, at 5:31:12
In reply to Re: Hi alex, posted by alexandra_k on January 18, 2013, at 5:09:32
here i am
i am afraid
i am not very good at math
i tell myself
honestly, i think
descriptively, i think
prescriptively, i fear
i am not very good at mathi enlisted the help of somebody, once
a professor of psychology
a dean of arts and social sciences
a former teacher of high school mathematics
who believed it would be trivial to tutor me for GRE math
who tutored me for GRE math
who took several weeks to learn of the difficulty i was having
to memorize my three times table
who played heroes of might and magic with me
until i broached with him the observation that i wasn't really progressing towards GRE math
and he concurred
that i probably would not be capable of having a competitive score in GRE math within three months
and i realized...
what i'd suspected all along...
that i was borderline retarded (or at least not GRE competitive) in mathematics.
and there it was.but i picked up psychology, okay.
with it's 'you need an A- average in the stats component to pass the course' criterion.
i mean, i worked hard whereas other students found it easy...
and i understand that statistics for psychology is to mathematicians
as health ethics is to ethicists
or as critical thinking is to logicians
but, still...maybe i have an ability in math.
insofar as advanced mathematics is more about concepts than it is about arithmetic.
i know i struggle with arighmetic. with errors of transcription... of transposition...
though i can get it right if i can count of my fingers or check my answers three times...
if i don't need to calculate many such things for an answer arrived at in under 30 seconds
(for GRE math)
then i'm okay at math.
sorta somewhat
maybe.i've applied for two programs (actually many besides, but it comes down to a choice of two:)
physiotherapy (fingers crossed)
but also...
i've applied to do a bachelors of science degree.
at a good institution.
with the possibility of transfering into biomedical science
(I could work on cancer research or neurophysiology)
or even medicine
but it requires first year chemistry and physics
(as it should)
and...well...
i'm scared.
i remember what it was like my first year at university.
even if you are the best at your high school what makes you think you will pass at university? do you know how many people in your class right now were the best at their university? do you think they are all going to pass this course? do you think they are all going to be the best here?
and i feel a little bit ill...
science is different from arts and social science.
i'm used to minimal structure. minimal prerequisites.
in a way: i'm happy. I worked my god damned *ss off to do well in my courses and it angered me a great deal that other students who didn't work very hard at all were granted entry into higher level courses.
in a way: i'm scared. what if i work my god damned *ss off and i don't do well in my courses. what if i can't pass them because i don't understand the math / can't do the calculations. what if i can't pass them.
physiotherapy... looking at an intake of more than 120...
i remember psychology used to be like this. lecture theatre only seated 200 students. so they ran two streams: 10-2 T, T. also 5-7 T, T. around 120 students per stream. this is going to be like that. (so worst case i can attend a repeat sssssssh don't you dare tell anyone i plan on gatecrashing)
i know
in my heart
i'll do okay because i know to ask for help (to attend office hours) where most will not
i'll do okay because i know to work hard (to put in the time trying) where most will notand so on.
but for now: i'm scared.
because i'm starting all over again. like i proved myself before i need to prove myself again. and such things take time. i won't be number one for any such thing... but my name repeatedly coming up in the A+ bracket... eventually... that's how you get noticed as a consistently reliably high achieving student.
god dammit.
dr dr i will be.
because... the joke that turned out not to be.
which is precisely what i amthat was meant to be
was me
and there it is.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1034263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20120922/msgs/1035721.html