Posted by antigua3 on July 17, 2011, at 13:01:24
In reply to Re: Techniques » antigua3, posted by Dinah on July 16, 2011, at 19:41:39
Hi Dinah,
It seems "lesser than" because I have heard him express true warmth and caring to others, but i don't hear it for me. I don't believe he cares for me or even likes me, but this could be my warped vision. When pushed, he has said that he cares for me, but it's not a spontaneous thing at all. It is a very deliberate move on his part when he makes that statement and only does so when pushed.We have discussed this until there is no more to discuss. He says I am making assumptions about him and I reply that I am only commenting on how I see the person in front of me treats me and the actions he takes toward me.
We talk about how he believes he is using the therapeutic approach with me that he thinks I need, but I don't necessarily agree. Never have really, but I've hung in there because we have done some incredible work together. I can never deny that.
But, it has been tough as nails. Yes, he provides one very important element that was lacking in my life--consistency. I can count on him being there and not abandoning me, and I know how important that is to a person who grew up like I did.
I recently finished a book on using attachment theory in psychotherapy and I found so much to relate to, and I don't think my p-doc is the attachment figure that would work best for me. If there's warmth and caring, I don't see it, I don't feel it. When I talk about terrible things, the expression in his eyes is always the same, whether I'm talking about the weather or something brutal that happened. His expression never changes, I can't read his eyes. the mirror reflecting back reflects nothing to me.
do I make any difference to him? No, I don't think so. Why should that even be important? I feel like an appt, not a person.
It's not time to walk away. I'm not finished. The attachment is so strong, but in a way, it reflects the negative attachment I had with my father. It's all so complicated; I can't figure it out anymore.
My T is gone and I will not start over with another T or p-doc. I feel really stuck.
And yes, yes, we talk about this, but he doesn't seem to hear me, and mostly, he doesn't agree with me. He won't tell me that I am wrong about my perceptions and maybe that's what I want--to hear that I'm cared about, thought of, liked, etc.--he sticks by not seeming to understand what I am saying, as if he is providing what I am asking for--and balances that against the argument that he thinks he's doing what is best for me, given my history with male authority figures.
It can be so confusing,
thanks for listening,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:990825
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/991243.html