Posted by Annabelle Smith on July 14, 2011, at 11:09:38
In reply to Re: Crappy Week: Fat and Therapist on Vacation » emmanuel98, posted by Annabelle Smith on July 13, 2011, at 22:55:20
I feel like I can hardly make it. My therapist has been out of town for a week now-- another 5 days to go and we won't meet until next Tuesday-- that is 2 weeks from when we last met.
I am struggling and need support. But I am working my *ss of now and feel like I am always at work, never having time to attend any sort of support meetings or even to try to find someone to talk to. Working from 7am-5pm everyday and having to cook dinner for my house tonight literally leaves me no time.
And I am financially struggling. I work all the time and yet have no money. It seems like 30% or more is taken out for taxes, and I don't expect to even make more than $7000 this year. I feel like all that I have is being taken away. I have had no summer, no vacation, and am exhausted.
Hanging over the edge.
I woke up at 5:15 this morning, right before my alarm went of at 5:50 in a panic. Prickly. Thinking of someone with a gun. I am so afraid of dying before I see my therapist again. This may be psychotic, but I keep thinking someone with a gun is in the hallway at night. I think I heard gunshots -- like 10 in a row-- the other evening in the kitchen around 11pm. My housemate downstairs also thought so. They were in the distance, and in the end, we couldn't tell if they were fireworks or gunshots. They may have been fireworks. But one of the guys said that it is not uncommon to hear gunshots in the summer, but usually they are followed by sirens. My only hope is that if someone tries to break in, the dogs might hear. I feel scared.
I am trying to make it through the day. I had a good day on Wed, but now can hardly make it. Back to obsessions about food. I contacted OA and asked them to call me back. No response. I will try again. I can't keep going like this. So tired.
So many emotions towards my absent therapist. Longing, love, resentment, jealously, sadness, missing him, wanting him to be here and to help me, angry, tired.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:990749
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/991011.html