Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2011, at 8:50:16
In reply to Re: so depressed, posted by Annabelle Smith on April 1, 2011, at 20:54:56
I hope you manage to tell your therapist, since this sounds like a really really great insight.
I've always been somewhat bemused by the fact that (a) you often feel bad enough that you think suicide is an entirely possible response to stop the pain. And (b) you are not open to using medication to make the pain less bearable. Which has led me to the uncomfortable (for me) thought that either (1) you find the state of being dead somehow more appealing than being on medication, or (2) you find the state of being in less pain somehow more frightening than the state of being in intense pain. I'm not saying that this reflects your thought processes at all, only my own.
It makes more sense in light of your rescue fantasies. Fantasies that aren't all that unusual I think. I told my therapist once about a recurring image I had of our relationship at that point in time. That I was reaching up like a small child to be picked up and comforted.
It makes sense that you'd want to work on this with your therapist, instead of playing it out over and over again with males in authority. I think there are likely all sorts of themes to explore there, from the purely pragmatic question of whether seeking attention in that way is at all effective for you on up.
I'm not at all sure I could sit on such an enormously exciting insight with my therapist. :) I'd be bursting to tell him.
Although I suppose that would involve a fair amount of tension between wishing for rescue from the therapist himself, and allowing the therapist to actually rescue by helping us learn new ways of relating. The fantasy of rescue versus the less appealing reality of rescue, or at least of helping us to rescue ourselves.
If that makes sense?
poster:Dinah
thread:981607
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/981710.html