Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2011, at 14:40:01
In reply to Re: I think the weather in h*ll must be chilly » Dinah, posted by Daisym on February 24, 2011, at 12:10:58
<<<<<<It's probably both, don't you think? Reality invades and we *know* that the security we seek isn't all encompassing - not magic as you said. I think there are biological underpinnings too - the anxiety of therapy causes a chemical cascade in the brain and the calming opiates that get released are "addictive" - consider infant/mother attachment and how the mom's nearness is soothing to the baby. Over time, the brain does not react in the same way due to familiarity and it takes novelty (good or bad) to create the anxiety/soothing cycle. If something gigantic happened, he would probably be able to provide the soothing you need, but the day-to-day anxiety you feel you've learned to self-sooth around (whether you know it or not). So just having a session isn't as "magical" as it used to be - different chemical response. I'm curious if you still get sleepy - needing to "forget" like you used to?
I think that's it! I was thinking after I made these posts that I have such a poor memory of different feeling states. Just a couple of months ago I needed him quite a bit. But you're right. The ordinary anxiety I have learned to self soothe. I think that thinking of it this way may go a long way to easing my confusion at the shift.
Oddly enough I do still feel sleepy after most sessions. Even if they weren't terribly upsetting. I think it has something to do with allowing my feeling self to surface. It requires some transition state back to rational me.
<<< I pretty much refuse to talk about it, because it has to be this way, but it helped when my therapist said to me, "it throws me, that you aren't here. It is a hole in my day, because at 3pm, you are supposed to be here. I have to stop and remember why you aren't." That made me feel like more than patient #10. And he always acknowledges the difficulties of ending a deep relationship like long-term therapy. But he never says we won't. Supposedly it is my choice but realities like age, possible illness -- life in general, I guess, are background noise that I can't ignore.
Your therapist is so terrific. :)
My therapist was groggy again today. I asked him if he needed a snack, and he took it and did wake up. Still, I was upset and tearful. As I left, he asked if I'd like a hug and he told me that he cares for me and enjoys seeing me. I told him I knew that. I truly do. Which is nice, but perhaps not sufficient.
I wonder how much my feelings of sadness and low self worth over his falling asleep has to do with my change in feelings. Although he had that problem for all the fifteen years I've seen him.
I've promised to try to speak louder and he's promised to remember to ask me to speak louder. I'm not sure if that will help, or just fill me with resentment.
> If I only get to use the magic wand 1x - this is what I would change.
Yes. I would wish that nothing jeopardize what I had. Not even me.
poster:Dinah
thread:979635
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/979774.html