Posted by pegasus on December 16, 2010, at 11:59:59
In reply to busy, busy therapist, posted by pegasus on December 10, 2010, at 10:35:51
I brought it up in the last 10 minutes of the session, and it opened this whole big can of worms. As soon as I tried to mention it at all, I got all emotional, and had to choke it out through tears. So, obviously, this is triggering something big in me. I explained how I was afraid there wouldn't be room for me among all those clients, and that he would forget me, or my story, or just burn out and go away.
He asked whether it would be helpful to hear how he manages it. I told him no, because I was afraid that I would hear it as him explaining how I get 1/40th of his professional attention.
T: Well, I don't think I'd explain it like that.
me: Yes, but I might hear it like that.
T: That's good to know, for both of us.
me: Well, it's not really any of my business either, unless it affects my work with you.
T: And here it is, affecting our work.
He gently stayed with it a bit more, and was very generally reassuring and encouraging. He mentioned that he's been doing this a long time, and does a lot of things to take care of himself and make sure it works for him to have a full practice, and is really fascinated by his work and loves it, and is in no danger of burning out.
It's obvious to both of us that this is triggering stuff from my past, and we talked about how we can maybe talk about it more in the future.
There was one part where he was saying something about how it was valid to want to be important, and to matter, and be remembered. It was so incredibly painful for me to hear him say those things, that I couldn't even listen. I managed to choke out that it hurt to hear him talk about that, and he said, "It hurts to talk about you mattering?" But he said it like he got how important that is. So, I felt heard.
It was a good session, I think. I'm liking him, despite his huge practice. Maybe it's huge because he's really good. :)
-p
poster:pegasus
thread:973080
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/973710.html