Posted by Solstice on November 6, 2010, at 19:27:08
In reply to need support, posted by Emily Elizabeth on November 6, 2010, at 16:12:39
EE -
Ditto here on Dinah's thoughts.
An idea I have is that if you feel safe enough in the relationship to do it, mimaybe ask her directly (and non-accusatorily) about the reasons behind it. Dinah's point about the "her timetable" thing is a big deal. My therapist and I wrestled with having different timetables.
HT got very frustrated because I was taking sooooo long to work through the excruciatingly painful trauma of therapy-gone-bad with my prior therapist. Week after week after week, month in and month out I agonized over it. I think it really pained my T to watch me do that to myself. When HT's impatience started leaking out, I would feel hurt about it after I left. I was scared to death to say "Stop pushing! I need to stay stuck right where I am!" But we'd made this pact, you see, where I promised that if there was anything about our relationship that was becoming a problem for me, HT was trusting me to bring it up. So eventually, I did. In a really small tiny way. HT 'caught' the little thing I threw out about it, and opened the discussion. Somehow I managed to say that I didn't quite understand why, but that I could not move from where I was. HT had misgivings about it, but eventually said, 'okay, then we'll wait until you're ready.'
So if you feel safe enough to do it, it might be a good idea to just ask. Worst thing she can say is that she's irritated that you won't do whatever it is she wants you to do with your mother, and is punishing you for it. And if that's what is behind it, then you probably need to know that. Another possibility is that in hearing your query, she might realize that she's maybe inadvertently put her agenda in first place, and she might re-evaluate whether that's who she wants to be as a therapist. I know that my HT and I have shared wry smiles and warm memories of HT 'pushing' me with the best of intentions, and me 'diggin in my heels' - which ultimately proved to be the best thing for me to do at the time. Because when I was ready, I was able to move withOUT being pushed. If I'd moved too soon, I don't think my progress would have as sturdy of a foundation. Might be the same for you. Maybe if you bring it up, your T will adjust her agenda to better fit your needs?
Solstice
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:968838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101023/msgs/968859.html