Posted by violette on July 12, 2010, at 20:29:13
In reply to Is there life after psychoanalysis? (trigger), posted by ralphrost2 on July 12, 2010, at 19:18:43
Hi Ralph,
Sorry to hear you are so down :(
In terms of life after psychoanalysis--it sounds like you aren't done yet (apologies if I'm stating the obvious). Are you currently discussing termination with your T or something? The process could take another 2 years or so...but I understand it can be difficult to be patient.
I'm not in conventional analysis (3 x week/couch) but psychodynamic (1 x a week/face-to-face)...so I'm not sure which you are referring to...But there are alot of the same concepts involved and I've read much about it as it all seems fascinating to me.
I don't have much advice, I can only tell you my experience as it might give you another perspective concerning your situation. What I do see as immensely positive here-is that you are so young. I'm middle-aged now, but only started psychodynamic therapy a year ago. I was already 'broken' when I got there-similar to how you have described your situation. Previous CBT therapies did not help.
I think in general, when we stop using denial, repression, and all the other defenses--we mourn the loss of that former self. The self that was (emotionally) unaware of all the crap, and this is not uncommon. I can tell you that I truly believe that reality eventually breaks through your conscious had you not been in analysis anyway. It sort of takes you by surprise, yet it is can be a slow erosion of defenses that ends up as depression. Either way, it's good to hear you are going through this at such a young age (wish I had).
And while your experience is really unpleasant at the moment, after working on integrating all the negative memories and experiences, you eventually build a new, more authentic, content self. It's a slow process to build yourself up. The end result-inner peace.
I wrote about this on another thread-I'm starting to 'find' that I actually still have that self-confidence within me; it was just eventually overtaken by the repressed emotions that fought to be addressed. Now that I am accepting and integrating those negative parts, in a positive way, I'm beginning to experience more direct benefits from my therapy.
If your interested, here's the thread:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100628/msgs/953677.html
It seems similar to what you are describing; hope this helps. I'd hang in there as it seems you have some more work to do. And it really will pay off someday.
poster:violette
thread:954254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100706/msgs/954260.html