Posted by Dinah on May 25, 2010, at 21:21:41
I haven't posted much about it, because it is still very raw. But my two year old dog, who some of you may remember my getting as a puppy, is dying of kidney failure. They think it was something that she was born with. She took a serious turn for the worse lately, and I learned shortly before my therapy appointment today that she is in acute kidney failure.
I was not only sad, but feeling really guilty. About being angry when she was diagnosed, about not following my instinct and bringing her in earlier this week even though I was in contact with my vet about her, and he didn't say to bring her in and even though my vet swears that it wouldn't change the outcome. For things that my therapist thinks are irrational to feel guilty about, like the Fates. He kept concentrating on helping me correct my illogical thoughts, and I kept getting more upset because that really wasn't the point. Then I managed to express that what I needed right then wasn't a cognitive correction. What I needed was absolution perhaps, or spiritual guidance. And he just happens to have training in both.
He rose to the challenge, and reminded me of many things I may have already known, but had been unable to apply to myself. He helped me figure out how to pray about it in a way that felt comfortable to me. He reminded me that forgiveness is readily available where there is regret and remorse and repair. And he pointed out that providence was also at work in the unusual scheduling of our appointment today, which was after I got the phone call while ordinarily it would have been in the morning.
He quit trying to convince me to not feel guilty (which was his preferred path), and instead helped me put the guilt, however irrational he considered it, at peace. And I've stayed at peace, and have been able to feel sadness and grief unmarred by guilt.
There's still a chance for her to have extra time with us, depending on what happens in the next few days. I'd appreciate any prayers and good wishes that could come her way. She was, and is, so full of joy and life that it's almost impossible to realize that all that life won't be with us very long at all.
poster:Dinah
thread:948895
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100425/msgs/948895.html