Posted by floatingbridge on January 8, 2010, at 19:29:08
In reply to Re: framework for trauma / grief? » floatingbridge, posted by Daisym on January 7, 2010, at 0:40:39
Daisym,
Thanks for writing!
when we witness what appears to be senseless suffering. For myself, when people tell me, "everything happens for a reason" I want to demand they find the reason in csa. I usually hold my tongue, because what I know to be true is that people sometimes need to hold this belief in order to cope. I find my faith to be incredibly important as a coping mechanism - though I rage at God at
times too. I don't think anyone can really adequately explain why bad things happen. Have you read "God's Shrink"? It is a piece of fiction that tries to answer this question.The book looks good--thanks for the link. I really am tired of asking why. Seems so childish. Well, if the shoe fits, I suppose....
What's csa?>
> As far as a container goes, I think you have to practice with different things to figure out what works for you. Faith - God - can be a container of sorts. You can put your trust in God and not feel quite so alone with your grief, if this works for you. If you don't believe, you can construct other ways of holding or managing your grief. Writing/Journal is one of the major ways I cope. I put my grief on paper, which holds it. Other people have talked about an imaginary box, which locks, or a drawer. It helps to have concrete representations as well. I suggest actually buying a container for yourself and writing things down and locking them away. It might seem silly, but these kinds of symbolic acts do work
Writing is very helpful--I'm not sure why
I avoid it--good self-care has been tough for me to cultivate. I'm learning. And the symbolic act of a lock box sounds great. I may use it, really. Thank you> The other major container, for me, is my therapist. We work hard to stay connected between sessions so that I
feel held. We work with many of the self-psychology concepts and as we actively dismantled many of my defenses, he alloweded me "borrow" his core self as a way of shoring up mine. The container
does spring leaks sometimes, but talking
about what is going to work and having a plan in place, really does help.>
Sounds like a great theraputic relationship, one I feel you must have put a lot of effort into creating. My t has talked about how I project my personal
strength on him, and I'm just wrapping
my head around that. A core self. That implies trust. Difficult for me, but
perhaps not an impossible goal. Since I last posted, I had a terrible nightmare, quite apocolyptic and vivid which I wrote and read to t. This was quite fruitful,
laying barer than before my fears and vulnetabilities--I always expect someone to run, and t didn't.A core self. I feel like I'm trying to reconcile the film noir world with an unscathed on. I suppose the work is in part imaginary and symbolic, placing
trust in another. Well, actually, as I write this, I realize it is quite concrete as well. Dismantling defenses. Yes, I suppose
this is a great part of what we are doing. I have a sense of what you mean by 'springi g leaks'. A boat metaphor--shoring up the self.Thank you. You've given some ideas to think about.
fb
poster:floatingbridge
thread:932594
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/932966.html