Posted by toetapper on October 10, 2009, at 1:23:48
In reply to Re: Homely then, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2009, at 21:36:43
I read your post earlier and then got distracted and browsed around some other sites, but I just read an op-ed piece at the Times titled "The Eye of the Beholder" and had to come back.
It's been a long week and I'm really tired but I think what I want to say is each of us has something about ourselves we feel insecure about. We are scrutinized and judged by everyone around us, constantly, but we have to hold in mind there is no fixed measure, nothing we can point to as a standard, a definitive. What is important to one person is not to the next, what is beautiful to one person is not to the next, what is homely to one person is not to the next. Some people think Barbie is grotesque!
I've never seen you, I have no idea where you would fall on my personal spectrum of attractiveness, how I would judge you based on that alone. Would I find you homely? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
I think not, if for no other reason than I have read your words and peered into your heart and your mind for three or four years now, and I agree with what Pegasus said in a few posts above: Believe in your own experience first. I don't know if you have limp hair or a platter face, I'm not even sure if that, by definition, means you are homely. Maybe to some, maybe not to others. But I do know you can believe in yourself when you say "My beauty lies within." You are correct, it does, irrespective of whether or not it also lies without.
But what really prompted me to post is how envious I am that your relationship with your T reaches far enough and deep enough to be truthful, even in the face of discomfort to each of you. That, to me, is an expression of love. He is giving you implicit AND explicit invitation to trust him, to believe in him, and your relationship.
You are beautiful Dinah, inside outside and everything in between, no matter what the mirror says. And you are loved, and cared for, by so many. Each of whom, all of whom!, know you for who you are.
poster:toetapper
thread:920257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/920351.html